Slow Cooker vs. Popcorn PopperI've debated about what I'm titling this one. Only because so much has happened within the last 30 min that I started it.
I'm ready; to go. I made that decision months ago. Lakeisha left this earth abruptly, without a choice. I was given today, and today I made the choice that everyday I am given to live, I will live it fully as I have everyday, just with additional perks! Life is not forever, and I've been holding up well, for someone who lost her sister. It's everything else that happens in between that makes me realize how long I've been slow-cooking (thanks A.C.).
She's not the first person to say it. It wasn't the first time I realized it. I've know that about my self for a very long time now. It wasn't until I was filling out paperwork for a new doctor, that I wish I knew more about family history. And when questioned about it today, after informing my mother that my 34-year-old coworker passed suddenly, it was, "Well, I gave you all the information that I had." Uhm, sweetie, it's no like you gave me a pamphlet full of information with a SSN and an updated photo! With that, I will no longer sit idly and wish and hope and pray. I will just pray that what I get is the answer that I need. No, not the where have you been all my life, but simply, I had this, momma had that. That's all I've ever wanted. I'm a curious person, but not to the point of nosy. I love history, and this is mine. I want to be able to tell my story when I get old (Lord willing).
It wasn't until I was on the phone with someone I really love that I solidified what I discovered a very long time ago...RUN! It was fun while it last. The series finale has ended. This one will not be picked up by BET or any other network for that matter. There is no way this story can continue. The end.
It wasn't until I became disfunctional at work, and I looked at a coworker and made a mental note of, "You're a joke!" Despite the love-hate relationship we tend to have with each other, I'm beginning to lose my mind.
It wasn't until I came home (3 years ago) and I learned there was nothing to do except on First Friday's and some Saturday's. And not too many people I know are living alone, to where they can randomly through a house party or just a hey let's just chill and play cards. Sucks!
It wasn't until I realized I get bored easily. If it's not something that is ongoing and ever changing, you can call it a wrap! I will stick to doing what I'm used to, and that's what I'm doing now.
It wasn't until some people felt like they had to reiterate their presence. I know you are there, but it doesn't mean I'm comfortable or feel like coming to you about things. I may not feel you are on that level. Hell, I didn't tell one of my best friends about the death of my grandfather, and pissy did he get. Usually, something will come up, where I do need to go to you. Right now just is not the time. It's not always direct. I may hit you up 10 years from now (like I did a guy I met at Howard) like, "THANK YOU," and it would have totally slipped your mind. Hell, none of my friends can say they all know the same things about me. As a matter of fact, they all can't say they know the different sides of me. There are a lot of things they can agree on, but one thing is for sure, let me do me and if I need you, I got you!
I'm going to try to do my best to no longer slow-cook. If that means being a more broader bitch with no strings attached, then so be it. No more beating around the bush or sparing feelings. Unfortunately, mine haven't been spared, so why should I care. I've taken in everyone else's shit long enough. It's really time to do me, fuck how you feel about it. Time to make a move, and I've giving myself a timeline. It's been real!
