For Once In My Life...

I believe that everything will be okay...

Although I have yet to really get my feet wet at my job, I honestly feel like I will be okay. It's been kinda rough right now becasue my boss' daughter is sick and so he hasn't been able to teach me the ropes the way he had planned. I'm okay with that, because I am running into questions as I try to calculate things on my own.

I was thinking about how people come and go in your life. I have officially given up on some people. I don't call them anymore (or attempt to) either because their phone is off or they just don't return my calls. I feel like there are times when you have to move on and now is that time for me.

I am also going to try to do better for myself. Most people start something new to try to stop something they no longer want to do. For me, I just stop doing it. For example, although I want to feel better physically, instead of starting a whole new diet, I am going to cut out things I know I shouldn't consume so much of. I have already told myself, I am no longer going to do this, therefore, the next time I am faced with the situation, I will just say, I don't need it. I've done that for some of the shitty people in my life. I just don't bother.

Hurting

I now know how the slaves felt...

I cannot explain the pain I feel right now. I am so drained beyond extent. Just pray for me people.

I'm tired of being tired.

Really? Again?

Please tell me this is not happening again...

So, I was chilling thinking about how bad diarrhea can really be, and I received a text message. It was very moving and what not, so I replied, "Awww *tear* :)". Well, the reply to that didn't seem to fit the situation, therefore, made me believe that the original text was not meant for me. So, as I wait for a response...Uh, wait...mhm. Okay, so it was for me (so it says), but a portion of the text was not meant to be typed due to a lapse of memory. Interesting.

Now, I am going to try my very best to passionately express the importance of doing something that will save your life. Key terms: PASSIONATELY EXPRESS! Let's remember how important it is to Do Business and The Importance of Communication. Please understand that expressing your emotions is a wonderful thing. As a matter of fact, a friend of mine, my baby bro, expressed to me that I gave him the best advice ever. He said, "Thanks so much! Telling me to approach a girl to let her know I think she's attractive is the best advice I've ever gotten!" Those weren't his exact words, but close to it. The point is, what's the worst that can happen?! Tell people how you feel (preferably the positive feelings) and if you have to tell someone about themselves, at least they will know and can do one of two things: 1)kiss your ass, or 2)kiss your ass and respect you for it!

Oh, and one more thing, make sure that when you place emphasis on your feelings, whether it's by email, text message, or phone, please make sure you are speaking the facts to the right person. Don't have the intentions of calling the other woman and saying, "So you know I love you girl...You're the best lover I've ever had. My baby momma can't do it like you," and it just so happens you accidentally called your baby momma!

I think the toilet is calling me...

Split Personalities

Ms. T and Nay Nay...

Let me first say, I have multiple personalities. Not like what most think, where one day I'm Susie Q, three hours later, I'm Rachelle Ray, and 6 minutes after that, I'm Shanique from Watts. Technically, just two.

One of my closest friends will love to read this, not because she will know it's about her, but more so, just because we had a long conversation about this. I've officially named my two sides, Ms. T and Nay Nay. Ms. T is straight to the point and takes no mess. She will tell you exactly how things are supposed to go. She will give you no chances. You mess up, that's it! She has no time to sulk, cry, or negotiate. She is about business and just keeps things moving. Nay Nay on the other hand is totally opposite. Nay Nay likes to think of all the possibilities and always tries to remain positive. She's very sensitive and regardless of how bad things turn out to be, will keep a smile on her face. She will lend a shoulder when needed, and will put anyone and everything before herself.

Nay Nay is a bitch! She gets on Ms. T's nerve. Ms. T knows that she shouldn't give people, especially shitty people, an opportunity to get their lives together, but Nay Nay comes in the picture and always tries to coax Ms. T. For example, a person from my former life has reappeared (as they always seem to do), and is somewhat in the need for me to get my own place, so he can move in. Now, as I discussed the situation with a close friend, I said to her that I am tempted to ask this man for the money for the apartment since he's so pressed to be under my skin. Although, Nay Nay feels that's the best thing to do and then everything will be all good, Ms. T says, if he's going to act like this (again) with you, except the shoe is on the other foot, when is he going to do it to you (again)?

The artist who has said it recently best is Letoya. She has put out two singles, that semi-contradict one another, but yet, speak the truth. Torn, refers to being in a situation (such as this) where the woman wants to leave, but she also wants to stay. She Don't, expresses how this same woman (just in this situation), sees her ex with another woman and conveys that the other woman will never be like she was, therefore, he needs to cut that whack bitch.

The happy medium, Beyonce's hopeful next single (the name slips my mind). But the point of the song is to let him know, "I don't want you, but I also don't want you with anyone else." As I said before, this guy is my first everything. And what doesn't make the situation any better is that this man, who will be 5 years short of 30, has yet to grow up! What adds to this is the fact that he continues to "love" me, to talk about me to his friends, and sneaks and talk to me on the phone. He's gotten so good at it, when we do talk, he acts as if he's on the phone with his mother or sister. What's even greater, when he talks like that, Nay Nay wins!

When I first came home, Ms. T had an 85/15 advantage. It had been three years and everything was good. The day before the BS (and I don't mean Bachelor of Science), which was also the first time I had spoken to him in 3 years, Nay Nay had gained a lot, so the playing field became more level. Now, things are back in Ms. T's favor. The closer it gets to me getting paid, the more motivated I feel about having my own place, and he's out of the situation he's in. This works for Nay Nay. She feels that the relationship can start afresh. She feels that he really will be faithful and dedicated and be the protector she has always known him to be. Ms. T, well, she needs a whole lot more convincing.

It's not totally his fault. Unlike others, who have only had that one relationship their entire life (for whatever reason), and never give men another chance, Ms. T and Nay Nay alike have experienced perplexing relationships over the last 4 years. All have made Ms. T a little weary and doubtful about what a man says and does. For once, Nay Nay is stumped, because she doesn't know what to make of each, individual situation. They all vary. Therefore, Nay Nay uses cues to make a decision on the next guy, and again, turns the negative into imaginary. Ms. T, well, she just...she just tries to not get too caught up.