I Need Direction

What do I do...

I've been trying to get past the fact that my life has been directed by others than myself. I've been trying to bypass the fact that I have yet to fully explain who I am to the people I meet or to the ones I love the most. I've always been a mystery to those around me.

Well I'm tired of that! I want to be able to tell you what my job is about. I want to be able to say what I want. I want to be able to tell the group that I am running for treasurer (and say it with confidence). I appreciate the fact that you understand what I am thinking, how I feel, and when I am struggling you step in. However, you don't have to speak for me 24/7/365! I was blessed with a mouth and a voice, and hopefully, will not lose either to cancer of the throat, a knife, shank, or death.

But what do I do? How do I express to you who I am and not be embarassed or feel uncomfortable, to the point it shows, and you either feel sorry for me or totally disgusted? At this point in time, I have to make the mistakes I probably should have made a long time ago on a smaller scale. And although a lot is riding on this, I will have to take the 'L'. This is something that I have to deal with and no one else.

MOVE _______ GET OUT THE WAY!!!

You Failed Your Driver's Test

You only got 6/10 correct. If you have a driver's license, it needs to be revoked!

Are You a Good Driver?

Over Analytical

Don't read too deep into it...

So twice today, I've been told I'm talking out-of-pocket. I've been saying things as if I am hinting at something. Ms. T NEVER hints! Any person that knows me WELL knows that I will always tell you exactly what is on my mind.

It has also come to my attention, I am hurting people's feelings by expressing how I feel, but yet, those same people try to remain intact and act as if nothing bothers them. Then, there are those people that are so out of their league at this point, they have no clue what to say, what they are saying, or how to say it. I have this 'uneducated lyricist' who always says, "You feel me?" Uhm, NO!?! You just said some real stupid shit like, "Why you acting illiterate?" Now, I know some words have several definitions, but the last time I checked, the main definition of the word illiterate meant, not being able to read or write, which has nothing to do with comprehension or hearing! Therefore, you should be asking me, "What's wrong with your ears", or "Did you not understand what I just said?" May I remind you, as you tend to do in almost every conversation, which further let's me know, that you know, you are a complete idiot and out of your league, that I do have a college degree! And regardless of whether you know how esteemed that college/university has been deemed, you roll it off your tongue as if you are reminiscing about a girl you once had.

But anywhoo...I would greatly appreciate if you took the time to see what I see. Look at yourself before you start pointing the finger. It is very clear who has the upper hand in this...I'm Jay and you're Rhianna, bitch!

Laughing Out Loud

You will eventually fall on your face...

I am so proud of myself beyond imagination. As much as I like to think of how I have conquered you and your 3rd grade antics, I never tell you to your face. Now, you are stuck in a position where you are struggling. You don't know what to do because you've never been faced with rejection. You say I'm changing. Am I now?

Interesting enough, as I have openly voiced to my friends and family, you never really know a person. We all have ways of showing our emotions, even though it can be unclear what is trying to be relayed. I tend to try harder. Instead of voicing how I feel, I try to show it, in hopes that you understand what's going on. I try to non-verbally express something is wrong so that you can ask. However, after a long while, I realize that doesn't work.

By the time I come to realization, you've shat on me more than once. I don't get upset or angry...I just kill it with kindness. Plus, as I may have stated before, I don't want my name on the suicide note or documented in a courtroom. I remain a shoulder to lean on, a friend, all because you never know when you will need someone. Plus, I feel like it's always good to hear that "Thank you so much, even though I'm a jerk, asshole, dumbass, stupid mofo etc." Although, you may say it in that random hug as we separate or a random text message with a smiley.

I've always felt that it's not our right to correct someone. You don't learn that way. "You right" in the beginning, but in the end, I win.