Staying Positive

I miss him more than he'll ever know. I wish I could say what I was feeling with the right emotion, at the right time, but then, it wouldn't have the same passion behind it. I am still dealing with this big change and praying that things do not negatively effect the outcome of the rest of our lives; whether together or apart.

I am doing my best to stay positive, as is he. I think he more than me. Everything will work out. I just wish he understood and knew the amount of work being put in.

We are both working on more patience...I thought I had it all already, though.

I Can't Go On...

Just when I believe that I have an understanding of someone or something, the floor falls from up under my feet. I have not had a chance to really process the gazillion feelings running through me...

I guess the person(s) who I felt, at some point, I could talk to about various matters, really aren't the best fit. My heart is still heavy and I am exhausted.

I will continue to pray that revelation and clarity come from it all. I want the best, I just wish I felt it being reciprocated...

Reverting

The only time I've known for the above to be a good thing is when curly girls want their curl back after straightening and when you wash your favorite clothing under the wrong cycle and it's not damaged.

I recently found myself going back to an old part of me that I thought I let go of. I had that intuition that was bigger than <i> a woman's</i>.  I opted to allow a part of me consume my mind, not once, twice, but several times within a very short period of time. So much that if I were bionic, I would have bypassed the barriers that kept me from achieving my mission sooner.

What's even worse is there is no telling what I would have done once I got to my destination. Almost like that now shrunken shirt in the wash...do you scream or cry? I preferred to scream, loudly...

...and i'm still screaming...

I Will...

Every day that goes by, I think about what could have been done; what could have been said. The one thing that continues to haunt me to this day, resignates at its strongest. If it's not known, I don't care to elaborate... I have decided to put my words down into action. Back to who I once was...the loner. No longer will I try to make a friend or three, or try to be accepted among my peers. I will speak what is on my mind and not have a care as to how it comes out. I will no longer try to keep something that doesn't want or need to be kept. I will empty my heart on paper (blog) and it will become a memory. I will no longer feed into what everyone else wants. I will continue to stand my ground...