The things that we go through on a daily basis, end up sticking with us for a lifetime. We make decisions in hopes that the outcome is positive, but as we know, that's not always the case.
I had to take a brief break from reality and reevaluate myself. I felt oblivious to what others were thinking or how I even perceived their thoughts of me. Never did or have I questioned, because I've always lived by "birds of a feather flock together". As long as there was no beef, we were good. There have been times with my relationships among my circles of acquaintances, that I've had the desire to inquire about certain things. But a lot of times, depending on who the person was, depended on if and when I'd ask. I try to share as much as I can when my gut doesn't feel right, ONLY when I have enough evidence to support my case. Most of the time, I got my questions or issues resolved. The rest, I received an I.O.U. I never pursue the matter later down the road, it just eventually comes out.
Month to date, I've e not only stepped on some toes, I've hurt some hearts. In turn, I've hurt myself. There is some difficulty in saying what's on my mind. Somewhere between the thought process and the actual words coming out my mouth, is incorrectly wired. My words are misinterpreted and confusion forms. Oh, and don't let my misinterpreted words follow with an action that doesn't follow them! OMG! Some of the closest people to me, STILL don't get me! I don't even try to explain anymore. At this point they feel, "That's just Ms. T." Well, I no longer want it to be that way. Not only is that not fair to me (because you assume you know), you are selling yourself short in the long run.
The words of someone I felt who knew very little about me to say, "Maybe you don't have enough push behind your words," still crawl under my skin, but maybe it's true. Despite the what is said, it's how it's said. Plus, my actions need to be aligned with those words. I get so tired of people assuming something just because it's me. I didn't come with very detailed instructions. I am very easy to understand once you take the time out to do so.
So from now on, I must make stern, clear and concise statements with confidence. I must continue to check for understanding (that's part of my problem at work now) and if assistance is needed, refer to the necessary party. I refuse to be a failure to myself and remain in this boat that I've been in any longer. The words I say today are waiting for me tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Is This What Love Is?
I've always been the type to do well by other people. Despite the bull they may put me through, I still remain the bigger (wo)man. If it were a business transaction gone wrong, I still remain professional. A romantic/intimate relationship gone wrong, I still remain cordial; unless some mutual agreement has been made to never communicate again (one-sided included).
It has come to my attention that we are in a time where we have lost the respect, care, and love for ourselves and one another, as people. I live day to day, and I am very appreciative and thankful for what is placed on my plate, despite how it makes me feel. I learn from every experience I encounter. The information that I have processed over the last two weeks has made me even revamp the way I think and act on my relationships that I currently have, from work to personal.
For example, I learned of infidelity among a married couple that from the outside looking in, SHOCKING. But as the saying goes, if I were a fly on the wall...I'd say differently. I also learned of a similar event with a friend, who not only was not effected by the outcome, but had already moved on, preparing for the next one. I was not the brain cell that processed the vows on the married couple's wedding day, and I surely was not the eardrum that vibrated when he decided to apologize, a day late and a dollar short, about his newly started relationship! One thing is for sure, that's not loving your fellow man.
I cannot stress enough, if anything is going near wrong, TALK IT OUT! Communicate with one another about what is on your mind. You will only hurt yourself and the parties involved in the long wrong, if you decide to hold on until you are ready. Don't wait until 5 kids are produced to inform me that you have twins from the outside, while I just found out I'm carrying number 6 of your 8! Don't allow him/her to confront me at my front door or via voicemail message before you do! It's not fair to you or anyone indirectly involved!
It scares me to know that there was once a possibility that I could have been in any of these scenarios earlier in my life. It scares me to know that the possibility of something like this is much higher than I'd like it to be. Because at this point in time, we just don't give a damn about ourselves or one another anymore.
If this is the new definition of love, I don't want any of it.
It has come to my attention that we are in a time where we have lost the respect, care, and love for ourselves and one another, as people. I live day to day, and I am very appreciative and thankful for what is placed on my plate, despite how it makes me feel. I learn from every experience I encounter. The information that I have processed over the last two weeks has made me even revamp the way I think and act on my relationships that I currently have, from work to personal.
For example, I learned of infidelity among a married couple that from the outside looking in, SHOCKING. But as the saying goes, if I were a fly on the wall...I'd say differently. I also learned of a similar event with a friend, who not only was not effected by the outcome, but had already moved on, preparing for the next one. I was not the brain cell that processed the vows on the married couple's wedding day, and I surely was not the eardrum that vibrated when he decided to apologize, a day late and a dollar short, about his newly started relationship! One thing is for sure, that's not loving your fellow man.
I cannot stress enough, if anything is going near wrong, TALK IT OUT! Communicate with one another about what is on your mind. You will only hurt yourself and the parties involved in the long wrong, if you decide to hold on until you are ready. Don't wait until 5 kids are produced to inform me that you have twins from the outside, while I just found out I'm carrying number 6 of your 8! Don't allow him/her to confront me at my front door or via voicemail message before you do! It's not fair to you or anyone indirectly involved!
It scares me to know that there was once a possibility that I could have been in any of these scenarios earlier in my life. It scares me to know that the possibility of something like this is much higher than I'd like it to be. Because at this point in time, we just don't give a damn about ourselves or one another anymore.
If this is the new definition of love, I don't want any of it.
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Newbies
The norm when starting new relationships: general conversation, a number exchange, a few dates, the "reel in", and then see where things lead. In some cases, it may end up with general conversation, a few drinks, true colors come out, no number exchange, no further communication. Very rare instances: general conversation, number exchange, a back porch, scouting, band rehearsals, hours of laughs watching movies, to holding a flashlight on a leaking pipe in a basement...
Your verbal and non-verbals, every time I say or do something random let's me know you ain' ready. And when you do what you do, I can only get all warm and fuzzy inside. We've bypassed the norm. We don't have to reel each other in. With the two of us, the relationship will always be exciting...
Your verbal and non-verbals, every time I say or do something random let's me know you ain' ready. And when you do what you do, I can only get all warm and fuzzy inside. We've bypassed the norm. We don't have to reel each other in. With the two of us, the relationship will always be exciting...
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
A., Baby
Unreal you said...
What's unreal to me, is the experience. The way you treat me: the PDA, the lunches, random blurts about how you feel. I have enjoyed every moment, from being on the fence that night to being on your porch that night. I appreciate that you want me to be happy and pleasured like never before. Your spontaneity fuels my desire to be more open and creative with my fantasies. I wouldn't take anything back!
I thirst to get more from you. I want you to want more from me. I'm not afraid of what you have to bring to the table. Patience is what I have, and I'm buckled in for the bumpy ride. Trust and loyalty are top on my list in any relationship. With whatever reassurance you need, I got your back. We are here for each other, right?
What's unreal to me, is the experience. The way you treat me: the PDA, the lunches, random blurts about how you feel. I have enjoyed every moment, from being on the fence that night to being on your porch that night. I appreciate that you want me to be happy and pleasured like never before. Your spontaneity fuels my desire to be more open and creative with my fantasies. I wouldn't take anything back!
I thirst to get more from you. I want you to want more from me. I'm not afraid of what you have to bring to the table. Patience is what I have, and I'm buckled in for the bumpy ride. Trust and loyalty are top on my list in any relationship. With whatever reassurance you need, I got your back. We are here for each other, right?
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Intuition
Something wasn't right. So quickly, things changed. Exactly what was it, I don't know. I just knew instantly, something wasn't right. It hurt me really deeply. And I hope it doesn't come out later, than sooner.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Normalcy
We typically keep the same routine for everything we do: brushing our teeth, the order in which we drive, evaluating others based on negative opinions, to the food we eat everyday. In the past, I have made certain comments about things that are a little scary for me. For example, I've known this guy since I was 15 or so. He's x-amount of years older than I am. I've always looked to him as a big brother. He, not so much. He's always vocalized himself by saying things like, "I want to make love to you," and "You single now, and I'm not." That's not what I was trying to hear at 16! *blank stare :-/*
1)You don't know me to say things like that! 2)I've never voiced back to you that the feelings were mutual! As a matter of fact, you never stopped to find out! F)You can't keep a phone number long enough even if I did decide to call! MAGENTA)I could have Scola, and what you know 'bout that?! Since he mentally raped me at an early age, I carried these "rules" that I would never involve myself with a man like him. The rules ranged from age limitations, to the amount of women that thought they were exclusively his!
I have become quickly familiarized with the fact that those rules were never real! They only applied to him. And just like Quindeesha on Maury, pregnant again for the 8th time "Well, Maury, this time was different, because..." Setting limitations for ANY relationship (platonic included), also sets limitations for you. Yes, the possibility of your knife-wielding former girlfriend, three times removed would bother me! Yes, being around your side-eyeing family looking at me like I'm 8 (can't help how I look *kanye shrug*) while you're 15 years older than me, feels extremely awkward! However, I cannot and will not allow that to keep me from maintaining a healthy relationship with you. I am one of the few that was made with a personality that allows me to love you for you, regardless of handicaps.
Every-now-and-then, the norm doesn't apply. Every situation is different. Deal accordingly.
1)You don't know me to say things like that! 2)I've never voiced back to you that the feelings were mutual! As a matter of fact, you never stopped to find out! F)You can't keep a phone number long enough even if I did decide to call! MAGENTA)I could have Scola, and what you know 'bout that?! Since he mentally raped me at an early age, I carried these "rules" that I would never involve myself with a man like him. The rules ranged from age limitations, to the amount of women that thought they were exclusively his!
I have become quickly familiarized with the fact that those rules were never real! They only applied to him. And just like Quindeesha on Maury, pregnant again for the 8th time "Well, Maury, this time was different, because..." Setting limitations for ANY relationship (platonic included), also sets limitations for you. Yes, the possibility of your knife-wielding former girlfriend, three times removed would bother me! Yes, being around your side-eyeing family looking at me like I'm 8 (can't help how I look *kanye shrug*) while you're 15 years older than me, feels extremely awkward! However, I cannot and will not allow that to keep me from maintaining a healthy relationship with you. I am one of the few that was made with a personality that allows me to love you for you, regardless of handicaps.
Every-now-and-then, the norm doesn't apply. Every situation is different. Deal accordingly.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
In My Dreams
I can spend countless hours tuning out the bland things that do not fit in my colorful world. I stay on my own cloud. I'm perfectly content with being there by myself. I am an only child, and unimaginably would I dare come down from that cloud or bring another person to sit with me and paint. Back in March, I met someone I'd give my seat up to...
Many times, when spotting an attractive man, in a matter of a few seconds, I play my movie of how I think things would play out, and then, end scene. Never again, does it cross my mind, regardless whether a relationship brews. Once I was introduced to him, instantly, all the feelings I had poured out on this site, as well as others (Twitter, Xanga, etc.), were assured. The seconds of film that I was used to, turned into hours. What exactly made him different? *kanye shrug*
I remember the events from that early March night. I felt weird at times, when he spoke to me. Then he smiled. Can we say storm *smh*?! He wasn't what I would vision myself with. I blame Howard University. I had met a plethora of men, that I had smushed together, and the image was good! However, this one was better. And as we all went from place to place, he would check in with me. Just to make sure I was okay. Even when we went to breakfast, and I arrived late, he didn't take a bite until I had. I didn't look at it as meaning anything at the time, because again, I stay on my cloud. A mutual friend of ours and I were out eating, and I kinda remember her mentioning that he had asked about me. I in return asked about him, and referenced that I enjoyed that night we all went out. He happened to call her shortly after making that statement, and he and I both fussed at her for not inviting him out with us. Well, I had a chance to encounter this young man again about a week ago. This time...things were made a whole lot clearer.
After nearly arriving to the first place of the night, I realized I left my ID. He volunteered to walk with me to go get it. And as we walked, he kept saying he had been asking about me. *kanye shrug* He said I was muggin' like I was ready to kill a nicka (I blame the Locals (DC)). I smiled and apologized. He brought up again that he had been asking, and I was thinking, "How many times he gonna say that to me? I heard him the first time." *kanye shrug* He cracked some jokes here and there, told me he liked my hair. Gave me some intake on his life, and mentioned again that he had been asking about me. At that point, I had to climb down and suggest to dreaming self, "Hey, he may like you! Focus!" By the end of the night everyone was very loose and he became very vocal about his emotions. I was okay with that, and from there...we've been hooked.
There are a lot of things that I have observed that make him very attractive to me. What I find even better about him, he voices what he thinks! I love communication! I have forgotten all about the other possibilities (sorry Boo) I was striving for. My eye is only on him. He has definitely made my dreams existent. And because of that, I'm not climbing back up anytime soon.
I can spend countless hours tuning out the bland things that do not fit in my colorful world. I stay on my own cloud. I'm perfectly content with being there by myself. I am an only child, and unimaginably would I dare come down from that cloud or bring another person to sit with me and paint. Back in March, I met someone I'd give my seat up to...
Many times, when spotting an attractive man, in a matter of a few seconds, I play my movie of how I think things would play out, and then, end scene. Never again, does it cross my mind, regardless whether a relationship brews. Once I was introduced to him, instantly, all the feelings I had poured out on this site, as well as others (Twitter, Xanga, etc.), were assured. The seconds of film that I was used to, turned into hours. What exactly made him different? *kanye shrug*
I remember the events from that early March night. I felt weird at times, when he spoke to me. Then he smiled. Can we say storm *smh*?! He wasn't what I would vision myself with. I blame Howard University. I had met a plethora of men, that I had smushed together, and the image was good! However, this one was better. And as we all went from place to place, he would check in with me. Just to make sure I was okay. Even when we went to breakfast, and I arrived late, he didn't take a bite until I had. I didn't look at it as meaning anything at the time, because again, I stay on my cloud. A mutual friend of ours and I were out eating, and I kinda remember her mentioning that he had asked about me. I in return asked about him, and referenced that I enjoyed that night we all went out. He happened to call her shortly after making that statement, and he and I both fussed at her for not inviting him out with us. Well, I had a chance to encounter this young man again about a week ago. This time...things were made a whole lot clearer.
After nearly arriving to the first place of the night, I realized I left my ID. He volunteered to walk with me to go get it. And as we walked, he kept saying he had been asking about me. *kanye shrug* He said I was muggin' like I was ready to kill a nicka (I blame the Locals (DC)). I smiled and apologized. He brought up again that he had been asking, and I was thinking, "How many times he gonna say that to me? I heard him the first time." *kanye shrug* He cracked some jokes here and there, told me he liked my hair. Gave me some intake on his life, and mentioned again that he had been asking about me. At that point, I had to climb down and suggest to dreaming self, "Hey, he may like you! Focus!" By the end of the night everyone was very loose and he became very vocal about his emotions. I was okay with that, and from there...we've been hooked.
There are a lot of things that I have observed that make him very attractive to me. What I find even better about him, he voices what he thinks! I love communication! I have forgotten all about the other possibilities (sorry Boo) I was striving for. My eye is only on him. He has definitely made my dreams existent. And because of that, I'm not climbing back up anytime soon.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Troubles
So the last 3-5 days have been very interesting. I've had to shell out more than I wanted to towards life. I even missed work today because I was so tired, in addition to trying to find something that I may have gotten rid of. I've gone to hell and back over the matter, and the only thing I can imagine is...
God got it!
I took my car in to be serviced, and the issue was bigger than I could imagine. Surprised? No. My car has all the manufactured parts on it, with the exception of the tires, battery, and 1 spark plug (LITERALLY)! I just had the battery, spark plug, and tires (2nd time) done last year sometime. Even then, I wasn't financially stable to do that, but...
The weekend hits, and my car started jerking. Relatives feel that because of the previous service, the jerking was caused. Once further investigated, I learned what happened was a normal issue with my Make. Oh, I must add that the previous service, there was something else that was recommended for me to take care of, but it wasn't necessary at that moment. Well, even after the 2nd service was done, there was still some doubt that it was completely ready. Then, I got that call that said, "this is what is wrong..." All I could do was *le sigh*. So, because I'm still sitting on a few dollars, and this is an emergency, and because I need my vehicle for work, I opted to place the services on my credit card. Thing is, I can't and at the time, couldn't find my card. With that being said, I missed a day of work, and I never found my card. Got charged for expedited shipping and a replacement. When I informed the company who's servicing my car, the rep said, "Oh, well I'll let you know the estimated cost..." *shaking my head with a straight face* I said, "Just do it. I'd rather not come back up here for something else. Just do it." He laughed, and I explained when I'd be able to pay, and now everything's squared away.
So all that happened over a course of 4 days...I won't see my Bentley again until this upcoming weekend. You clearly see what today is...Thank goodness for new endeavors, because if this would have taken place while I was working part time (with full time hours) at my previous employer, I'd just be completely screwed! God is good, all the time.
money...the root of all things good/evil...
So the last 3-5 days have been very interesting. I've had to shell out more than I wanted to towards life. I even missed work today because I was so tired, in addition to trying to find something that I may have gotten rid of. I've gone to hell and back over the matter, and the only thing I can imagine is...
God got it!
I took my car in to be serviced, and the issue was bigger than I could imagine. Surprised? No. My car has all the manufactured parts on it, with the exception of the tires, battery, and 1 spark plug (LITERALLY)! I just had the battery, spark plug, and tires (2nd time) done last year sometime. Even then, I wasn't financially stable to do that, but...
The weekend hits, and my car started jerking. Relatives feel that because of the previous service, the jerking was caused. Once further investigated, I learned what happened was a normal issue with my Make. Oh, I must add that the previous service, there was something else that was recommended for me to take care of, but it wasn't necessary at that moment. Well, even after the 2nd service was done, there was still some doubt that it was completely ready. Then, I got that call that said, "this is what is wrong..." All I could do was *le sigh*. So, because I'm still sitting on a few dollars, and this is an emergency, and because I need my vehicle for work, I opted to place the services on my credit card. Thing is, I can't and at the time, couldn't find my card. With that being said, I missed a day of work, and I never found my card. Got charged for expedited shipping and a replacement. When I informed the company who's servicing my car, the rep said, "Oh, well I'll let you know the estimated cost..." *shaking my head with a straight face* I said, "Just do it. I'd rather not come back up here for something else. Just do it." He laughed, and I explained when I'd be able to pay, and now everything's squared away.
So all that happened over a course of 4 days...I won't see my Bentley again until this upcoming weekend. You clearly see what today is...Thank goodness for new endeavors, because if this would have taken place while I was working part time (with full time hours) at my previous employer, I'd just be completely screwed! God is good, all the time.
Monday, May 31, 2010
My Playlist
I cycled through my thoughts and matched them with a song. I stopped counting after Prototype. Even though the list was on repeat, I never heard the words before.
It was well put together. I forgot all about the Bittersweet memories, that once left me with Silent Tears. As the Storm continued to pour, I considered the Worst Case Scenario. I just didn't want you to Break My Little Heart but if you did, I could only Blame It On Me. I continued listening to Silly Love Song, as my thoughts became more Complicated. You see, I was once In Love With Another Man before I began Goin' Thru Changes. When You Love Somebody, and your Hands Tied, and they cut you open so deeply, the pain is Unforgettable! I cleared my mind with a Joy Ride, contemplating how much I had a Desire for you. You're one of the Golden Boys and I'm willing to go Out On A Limb, to live in that Perfect World along With You.
No longer do I have an Ice Box. I've been Holding Back the Years. It's About Time for me to no longer be Alone. The Seconds of Pleasure of this Fantasy should become a reality. I encourage myself everyday that I will never allow another man to make me Hurt Again. I'm ready to Try Again. Will I Ever have the chance to experience my Love Drug? You make it Mo Better. Despite the pains of Yesterday, there will never come a time when I H.A.T.E.U.
I really believe We Could Be something magical. The Unthinkable (I'm Ready)...so Come With Me. The Point Of It All, is that I Want You. It's Getting Late, and I want You to Stay With Me. Just Say Yes and let the Fireworks begin.
I cycled through my thoughts and matched them with a song. I stopped counting after Prototype. Even though the list was on repeat, I never heard the words before.
It was well put together. I forgot all about the Bittersweet memories, that once left me with Silent Tears. As the Storm continued to pour, I considered the Worst Case Scenario. I just didn't want you to Break My Little Heart but if you did, I could only Blame It On Me. I continued listening to Silly Love Song, as my thoughts became more Complicated. You see, I was once In Love With Another Man before I began Goin' Thru Changes. When You Love Somebody, and your Hands Tied, and they cut you open so deeply, the pain is Unforgettable! I cleared my mind with a Joy Ride, contemplating how much I had a Desire for you. You're one of the Golden Boys and I'm willing to go Out On A Limb, to live in that Perfect World along With You.
No longer do I have an Ice Box. I've been Holding Back the Years. It's About Time for me to no longer be Alone. The Seconds of Pleasure of this Fantasy should become a reality. I encourage myself everyday that I will never allow another man to make me Hurt Again. I'm ready to Try Again. Will I Ever have the chance to experience my Love Drug? You make it Mo Better. Despite the pains of Yesterday, there will never come a time when I H.A.T.E.U.
I really believe We Could Be something magical. The Unthinkable (I'm Ready)...so Come With Me. The Point Of It All, is that I Want You. It's Getting Late, and I want You to Stay With Me. Just Say Yes and let the Fireworks begin.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I Hate When...
I have a tendency to say or do too much. Like in the movie Just Wright,
*For those that have not seen the movie just yet, I am about to mention something specific, but it's not a complete spoiler*
Queen Latifah's character spills all the beans about a party she was attending,to her God Sister, who saw an opportunity with the information that she was given, and ran with it! Queen's character went all out and above her norm, but she was outshined. I'm Queen Latifah's character.
Sometimes people get so fed up with the things that I say or do, that they feel it's appropriate to say or do what I won't, without 1)confronting me about being fed up or 2)consulting with me to guarantee that I need a spokesperson. I'd rather you confront me about being fed up than volunteering your services and be my representative. And even if I have given you permission in the past to represent me, doesn't mean it applies to the present or future. It's just like if mom baked cookies. If you want one, you ask. Regardless how many times she makes cookies, you ask. The one time you don't, will be the one time the cookies were for church folks, and you were a greedy cookie whore. Now, she's short some cookies.
I realized today, that I will have to fall back on the amount of information that I let go. I'm cautious already, but only with certain people. I tend to get so excited about the things that are going on in my world, that I forget to snap back into reality and shut the hell up. There's nothing more uncool than someone having a nip slip of your words! It wasn't supposed to happen, but it did!
...there are things that I can change...
I have a tendency to say or do too much. Like in the movie Just Wright,
*For those that have not seen the movie just yet, I am about to mention something specific, but it's not a complete spoiler*
Queen Latifah's character spills all the beans about a party she was attending,to her God Sister, who saw an opportunity with the information that she was given, and ran with it! Queen's character went all out and above her norm, but she was outshined. I'm Queen Latifah's character.
Sometimes people get so fed up with the things that I say or do, that they feel it's appropriate to say or do what I won't, without 1)confronting me about being fed up or 2)consulting with me to guarantee that I need a spokesperson. I'd rather you confront me about being fed up than volunteering your services and be my representative. And even if I have given you permission in the past to represent me, doesn't mean it applies to the present or future. It's just like if mom baked cookies. If you want one, you ask. Regardless how many times she makes cookies, you ask. The one time you don't, will be the one time the cookies were for church folks, and you were a greedy cookie whore. Now, she's short some cookies.
I realized today, that I will have to fall back on the amount of information that I let go. I'm cautious already, but only with certain people. I tend to get so excited about the things that are going on in my world, that I forget to snap back into reality and shut the hell up. There's nothing more uncool than someone having a nip slip of your words! It wasn't supposed to happen, but it did!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
What I Need From You...
grab a hold to reality
understand that i never thought i was what you needed
leave me alone
act your age
call me sometime
allow me to love you
listen to me
find a new haircolor
hug me
buy me some shoes
sing to me
dance with me
pay me back
find me
stop leading me on
stop giving up so quickly
join the revolution
buy a new shirt
invest in yourself
find a job
finish your education
shake my hand
look my way
face the music
take risks
fix your mental
stop smacking
be less dramatic
learn a new language
sing a song
make a journal entry
come see me
cook
add me as a friend
speak your peace
give me some money
ask me a question
hold a conversation
stop jumping to conclusions
be on my page
shave your head
write a note
make it better
give me what i need
ask a question
make suggestions
step on my foot
sneeze
stop forcing things
do the unthinkable...
is to...
grab a hold to reality
understand that i never thought i was what you needed
leave me alone
act your age
call me sometime
allow me to love you
listen to me
find a new haircolor
hug me
buy me some shoes
sing to me
dance with me
pay me back
find me
stop leading me on
stop giving up so quickly
join the revolution
buy a new shirt
invest in yourself
find a job
finish your education
shake my hand
look my way
face the music
take risks
fix your mental
stop smacking
be less dramatic
learn a new language
sing a song
make a journal entry
come see me
cook
add me as a friend
speak your peace
give me some money
ask me a question
hold a conversation
stop jumping to conclusions
be on my page
shave your head
write a note
make it better
give me what i need
ask a question
make suggestions
step on my foot
sneeze
stop forcing things
do the unthinkable...
Friday, May 14, 2010
Accountability
Sometimes we are in positions we feel we can't get out of. Positions we have grown accustomed to. Positions we let slide one too many times, to the point it's not only uncomfortble on the right side, but also on the left. I have been in several positions since '05. Five years later, I have gained the reins and took full control. For the first time in my working career, someone who has known me for only one day, told me, "You would be great in a leadership position!" Not that others haven't noticed, because they have...
Accountability: the quality or state of being accountable; especially : an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions (Mirriam-Webster).
The events that occur in your life are based on your scale of accountability. If you allow nothing but positive things in, then that's the outcome you will receive. Yes, there will be those slip-up moments, but the return or reward is good! You have to be responsible for the actions of life. You cannot feed into the negativity. If someone approaches you with nonsense about a matter that they can gain control over, do like I do. Shut it down before it takes place! It's your own guilt if you don't appreciate me addressing the issue, but understand that I cannot be drug into the madness. I cannot suffer when I don't have to. I cannot progress if you are indirectly undoing the work I have put in. Not all things that put a pause in your life are negative. Sometimes you need those to slow you down, because you are moving too fast to really take in what's being played. It could also mean there needs to be some type of adjustment, because you aren't moving at the pace that you should.
I have gone through a major transformation over the course of a year +. I've dealt with a lot of bull that didn't have to happen. As I got fed up, it began to surface. I started shutting down, and not showing the true bright colors that make me, me! With the new changes in my life, I have already seen where I can go, and my possibilities are endless. I even indirectly stated that today. I've even learned that people say things because they've never been told shut up. Not hush now, or shhh...SHUT UP! STOP! LISTEN! UNDERSTAND! NOW HOW ARE YOU GOING TO CHANGE THIS?! I've learned that people live life based on assumptions and because they think they know how to read a book, they don't need to finish the remaining few chapters, because they've already drawn a conclusion. I'm no one's Cliff Notes. I've learned that people never look in the mirror, even though Micheal Jackson made a song about it (and last I checked, everyone listens to him). Despite what everyone else does, I shut up, I listen, I give feedback, I act on constructive criticism, and I take the time to ask and thank Him for holding me accountable for the things that I encounter on a second by minute basis.
Three wise monkeys...
Sometimes we are in positions we feel we can't get out of. Positions we have grown accustomed to. Positions we let slide one too many times, to the point it's not only uncomfortble on the right side, but also on the left. I have been in several positions since '05. Five years later, I have gained the reins and took full control. For the first time in my working career, someone who has known me for only one day, told me, "You would be great in a leadership position!" Not that others haven't noticed, because they have...
Accountability: the quality or state of being accountable; especially : an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions (Mirriam-Webster).
The events that occur in your life are based on your scale of accountability. If you allow nothing but positive things in, then that's the outcome you will receive. Yes, there will be those slip-up moments, but the return or reward is good! You have to be responsible for the actions of life. You cannot feed into the negativity. If someone approaches you with nonsense about a matter that they can gain control over, do like I do. Shut it down before it takes place! It's your own guilt if you don't appreciate me addressing the issue, but understand that I cannot be drug into the madness. I cannot suffer when I don't have to. I cannot progress if you are indirectly undoing the work I have put in. Not all things that put a pause in your life are negative. Sometimes you need those to slow you down, because you are moving too fast to really take in what's being played. It could also mean there needs to be some type of adjustment, because you aren't moving at the pace that you should.
I have gone through a major transformation over the course of a year +. I've dealt with a lot of bull that didn't have to happen. As I got fed up, it began to surface. I started shutting down, and not showing the true bright colors that make me, me! With the new changes in my life, I have already seen where I can go, and my possibilities are endless. I even indirectly stated that today. I've even learned that people say things because they've never been told shut up. Not hush now, or shhh...SHUT UP! STOP! LISTEN! UNDERSTAND! NOW HOW ARE YOU GOING TO CHANGE THIS?! I've learned that people live life based on assumptions and because they think they know how to read a book, they don't need to finish the remaining few chapters, because they've already drawn a conclusion. I'm no one's Cliff Notes. I've learned that people never look in the mirror, even though Micheal Jackson made a song about it (and last I checked, everyone listens to him). Despite what everyone else does, I shut up, I listen, I give feedback, I act on constructive criticism, and I take the time to ask and thank Him for holding me accountable for the things that I encounter on a second by minute basis.
Three wise monkeys...
Friday, April 30, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Get Over It Already
Since I can remember, I've always been the type to believe fair is fair. I have never backed down from anything that has challenged me. Let me repeat that last statement. I have never backed down from anything that has challenged me! So as a person who believes that AND karma is a bitch, it hurts me beyond belief when someone else is accepting to it, and even more so when they're accepting and allowing it to indirectly happen to me. As the type of person who defends others, when there is wrong doing or trouble, why would you allow it to happen to you or the people around you?
The events that have plagued me over the course of 8 months, I feel that I have done all that I can do, in my position: prayed, sent emails, applied other places, beat myself up for not trying harder, and held my tongue, etc. At this point, I'm tired. Tired of feeling like I'm not being heard. Tired of feeling unaccomplished. Tired of feeling incompatible with: people, life choices, the space I'm currently taking up. Tired of feeling tired.
I place so much into the relationships I have, but I rarely feel like they're being reciprocated. You would think after knowing me for x amount of years: you'd know not to ask me abstract questions; you'd spare me my feelings by not confirming the truth of something I exposed months earlier; you'd not say things that you KNOW irritate me; you'd stop relaying messages you know I don't care about; you'd stop talking to me suddenly as if we've been talking for hours and ask me a less broad question; you'd get some balls and stand up for something; you'd start acting your age and not your dauhter's; you'd stop being nonchalant about things but get mad when you're not progressing; you'd take life more seriously; you'd stop being bi-polar (take yo' medicine, the non-prescription type)!
I could go on...but why?
...le sigh...
Since I can remember, I've always been the type to believe fair is fair. I have never backed down from anything that has challenged me. Let me repeat that last statement. I have never backed down from anything that has challenged me! So as a person who believes that AND karma is a bitch, it hurts me beyond belief when someone else is accepting to it, and even more so when they're accepting and allowing it to indirectly happen to me. As the type of person who defends others, when there is wrong doing or trouble, why would you allow it to happen to you or the people around you?
The events that have plagued me over the course of 8 months, I feel that I have done all that I can do, in my position: prayed, sent emails, applied other places, beat myself up for not trying harder, and held my tongue, etc. At this point, I'm tired. Tired of feeling like I'm not being heard. Tired of feeling unaccomplished. Tired of feeling incompatible with: people, life choices, the space I'm currently taking up. Tired of feeling tired.
I place so much into the relationships I have, but I rarely feel like they're being reciprocated. You would think after knowing me for x amount of years: you'd know not to ask me abstract questions; you'd spare me my feelings by not confirming the truth of something I exposed months earlier; you'd not say things that you KNOW irritate me; you'd stop relaying messages you know I don't care about; you'd stop talking to me suddenly as if we've been talking for hours and ask me a less broad question; you'd get some balls and stand up for something; you'd start acting your age and not your dauhter's; you'd stop being nonchalant about things but get mad when you're not progressing; you'd take life more seriously; you'd stop being bi-polar (take yo' medicine, the non-prescription type)!
I could go on...but why?
Monday, April 19, 2010
Have You Seen Me?
It is time for the coon-foolery of the day. On my other page, I usually post a video or a picture of something just 'not right'. Today's picture, comes from Mediatakeout.com. If you know the person that is involved, please give her a hug, slap her, and dig up Sojourner Truth and Harriet Tubman for a good ol' whip lashing action!
Have you seen this?! Feel free to comment as you please. I'm still a little speechless.
It is time for the coon-foolery of the day. On my other page, I usually post a video or a picture of something just 'not right'. Today's picture, comes from Mediatakeout.com. If you know the person that is involved, please give her a hug, slap her, and dig up Sojourner Truth and Harriet Tubman for a good ol' whip lashing action!
Have you seen this?! Feel free to comment as you please. I'm still a little speechless.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Reflection and Recognition
Everyday, find something remarkable. Friend or foe. Good or bad. Regardless of what it is you believe in: flowers, trees, concrete, toenails, or pig's feet, be thankful. Stop at some point in your day and reflect. Give 3 positives for the one negative. Whisper "Thank You" while you're driving. Before you go to sleep, say "Thank You." Recognition makes a big difference in your experiences in life. My friends, acquaintances, allies, associates, etc. vary from Atheists to Catholics. Never do we step on one another's toes about who God is or what He can do.
Without the day's plots and storyline, where would you be? Who would you be?! Are you the main character? If so, do you like the limelight? Have you considered taking on a lesser role and giving someone else an opportunity to shine? As much as it pisses me off when someone says something out of pocket, or gets upset over something that's not going to change, I just have to say, "Thank You!" That day was not my day to shine. I can't get upset about it, but I can learn from it. I can be thankful for those that indirectly showed me how not to act. What not to say. How I should go about something.
Think of things that you desire, and do those things for others. I hate when people mean-mug. I always speak with a smile. I tell children they are beautiful and men, scrumptious. I compliment a woman on her skin, and even tell myself how much I love my weak right eye! I didn't get to hear too many positive things about myself as a child, and childhood affects adulthood. However, I don't let that anchor my progression. I've turned that one negative into many positives.
Stay positive and give thanks. He hears you and will answer. Not on your time, but on His.
...it just takes a few seconds...
Everyday, find something remarkable. Friend or foe. Good or bad. Regardless of what it is you believe in: flowers, trees, concrete, toenails, or pig's feet, be thankful. Stop at some point in your day and reflect. Give 3 positives for the one negative. Whisper "Thank You" while you're driving. Before you go to sleep, say "Thank You." Recognition makes a big difference in your experiences in life. My friends, acquaintances, allies, associates, etc. vary from Atheists to Catholics. Never do we step on one another's toes about who God is or what He can do.
Without the day's plots and storyline, where would you be? Who would you be?! Are you the main character? If so, do you like the limelight? Have you considered taking on a lesser role and giving someone else an opportunity to shine? As much as it pisses me off when someone says something out of pocket, or gets upset over something that's not going to change, I just have to say, "Thank You!" That day was not my day to shine. I can't get upset about it, but I can learn from it. I can be thankful for those that indirectly showed me how not to act. What not to say. How I should go about something.
Think of things that you desire, and do those things for others. I hate when people mean-mug. I always speak with a smile. I tell children they are beautiful and men, scrumptious. I compliment a woman on her skin, and even tell myself how much I love my weak right eye! I didn't get to hear too many positive things about myself as a child, and childhood affects adulthood. However, I don't let that anchor my progression. I've turned that one negative into many positives.
Stay positive and give thanks. He hears you and will answer. Not on your time, but on His.
Thursday, April 08, 2010
Privacy
I feel like I'm a pretty private person. All my life, I've heard and have known that there is some "mystery" that hangs over my head. In most cases, there is no one person that knows me, that truly knows me. I only give so much about who I am.
One thing I will fill you in on is, I've been known to do my own personal investigative work on things that I want to know about; hair, men, books, etc. I am VERY thorough with my research. Since I've been on sites such as Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, etc., I've guaranteed that I am totally protected privately. Therefore, my pages are locked and I have to approve any and all things that may go through.
Here's the thing....
Over the last few weeks, I have been able to access people's information on sites, like the ones mentioned above, whose pages are private. I am no tech guru. I don't know any special codes, nor do I hack! I am not friends with these people, but I'm all up in their photos like I am! I'm reading their notes as if they were addressed to me! I'm friending their friends! WTF?! I shouldn't be able to stalk you unless I'm in someone else's car! I shouldn't be able to get incriminating information on you, unless I were getting paid a couple hundereds per hour! Point blank and period!
When you don't take the time to completely go through a site, and moderate what's going on, you lose. You lose EVERYTHING! Companies aren't hiring people because of the half-naked pic of you and your significant other in the bed, posted on Facebook. Families aren't speaking to one another because of the blog post you made on Myspace. People are losing their lives because of the video they posted on Youtube, and thought it would be cool for the world to see!
I still write in a journal (when I keep up with it), unless I'm in a blogging mood, and in that case, I still don't reveal who's who! I only trust certain people with information, not my cousin's best friend on her daddy's side twice-removed by marriage! I remember codes, and passwords, just in case software like Password Keeper (for all my Blackberry users) decides it wants to throw in the towel! I delete files on my computer and on my phone as often as possible, because people will put you on blast at any given moment!
We have somehow gotten out of tune with doing the basics. Luckily, I'm the type of girl that has learned from other people's mistakes! Learn to limit what other people do (and can do to you for that matter)!
...we need a little...
I feel like I'm a pretty private person. All my life, I've heard and have known that there is some "mystery" that hangs over my head. In most cases, there is no one person that knows me, that truly knows me. I only give so much about who I am.
One thing I will fill you in on is, I've been known to do my own personal investigative work on things that I want to know about; hair, men, books, etc. I am VERY thorough with my research. Since I've been on sites such as Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, etc., I've guaranteed that I am totally protected privately. Therefore, my pages are locked and I have to approve any and all things that may go through.
Here's the thing....
Over the last few weeks, I have been able to access people's information on sites, like the ones mentioned above, whose pages are private. I am no tech guru. I don't know any special codes, nor do I hack! I am not friends with these people, but I'm all up in their photos like I am! I'm reading their notes as if they were addressed to me! I'm friending their friends! WTF?! I shouldn't be able to stalk you unless I'm in someone else's car! I shouldn't be able to get incriminating information on you, unless I were getting paid a couple hundereds per hour! Point blank and period!
When you don't take the time to completely go through a site, and moderate what's going on, you lose. You lose EVERYTHING! Companies aren't hiring people because of the half-naked pic of you and your significant other in the bed, posted on Facebook. Families aren't speaking to one another because of the blog post you made on Myspace. People are losing their lives because of the video they posted on Youtube, and thought it would be cool for the world to see!
I still write in a journal (when I keep up with it), unless I'm in a blogging mood, and in that case, I still don't reveal who's who! I only trust certain people with information, not my cousin's best friend on her daddy's side twice-removed by marriage! I remember codes, and passwords, just in case software like Password Keeper (for all my Blackberry users) decides it wants to throw in the towel! I delete files on my computer and on my phone as often as possible, because people will put you on blast at any given moment!
We have somehow gotten out of tune with doing the basics. Luckily, I'm the type of girl that has learned from other people's mistakes! Learn to limit what other people do (and can do to you for that matter)!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
On My Time...
Lately, I've been reading a lot of horoscopes for myself as well as my coworkers and friends. Yesterday, a lot of things fell into perspective. I became inspired, and my high hasn't come down.
After having various conversations over the last few months, a lot of things have crossed my mind. Some questions or concerns I had, have been resolved. Currently, I am waiting on a life changing moment to occur; one in which will give me a bigger boost than the one I've already received, months ago.
See, as I learn more about myself on a daily basis, I've actually made a plan that I didn't know I had put together. It's not down on paper, but I'm following it. It may not be in the order that someone else would take, but in the long run, when I look back on it all, I was on time.
I think we get so caught up in "IF I WOULD HAVE" that we never do with "I HAVE DONE THIS...NOW WHAT". I also think that when people look at me and my credentals, they believe that I should be doing something other than what I am. That may apply to you and your life, but it doesn't apply to mine. I've gained a better understanding as to why I do things, and I can say that it can be altered, but not changed completely.
I'm always feeling misunderstood and misinterpreted. Many people don't get me. I appreciate those that take the time to understand that, but it's very difficult to understand who I am completely. Each person that is close to me, from the people I went to school with, to the ones that have had minimal encounters with, will never say the same thing if asked, "So tell me about Ms. T!" I'm just that perplexing.
...never when you're ready...
Lately, I've been reading a lot of horoscopes for myself as well as my coworkers and friends. Yesterday, a lot of things fell into perspective. I became inspired, and my high hasn't come down.
After having various conversations over the last few months, a lot of things have crossed my mind. Some questions or concerns I had, have been resolved. Currently, I am waiting on a life changing moment to occur; one in which will give me a bigger boost than the one I've already received, months ago.
See, as I learn more about myself on a daily basis, I've actually made a plan that I didn't know I had put together. It's not down on paper, but I'm following it. It may not be in the order that someone else would take, but in the long run, when I look back on it all, I was on time.
I think we get so caught up in "IF I WOULD HAVE" that we never do with "I HAVE DONE THIS...NOW WHAT". I also think that when people look at me and my credentals, they believe that I should be doing something other than what I am. That may apply to you and your life, but it doesn't apply to mine. I've gained a better understanding as to why I do things, and I can say that it can be altered, but not changed completely.
I'm always feeling misunderstood and misinterpreted. Many people don't get me. I appreciate those that take the time to understand that, but it's very difficult to understand who I am completely. Each person that is close to me, from the people I went to school with, to the ones that have had minimal encounters with, will never say the same thing if asked, "So tell me about Ms. T!" I'm just that perplexing.
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