Always listen to your...
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Emotions
I do apologize if this becomes too long, but then again, I have to speak the truth! I believe I am feeling more pain now than I did before. Not in the sense of hurt, but just anxiousness. As a friend of mine, two to be exact, were bitter about life experiences, I began to think.
It kind of freaked me out a little bit. I wondered why these two women were so HOT about something that no longer dealt with them. One was (is) bitter with a man that is married with children in another state, but lives in the area with a woman he's been with for 8 years, who also has child(ren) with him. This friend visited one of his pages online and almost collapsed when she learned that he had possibly had another child. Why?! Why is something I'm trying to figure out. She knows he's not worth the lint in her pocket, but she was talking like she was upset because he was doing dirt on her. It was so confusing for me. I was actually getting bitter just listening to her complain and bad mouth him. LET THAT ISHT GO! The other friend, was what I'll say, wishing. She was wishing that she had had the "dream life" back in the day. She was wishing she had the type of relationships that the 'popular' (and I don't necessarily mean the cheerleader/football player, but also the they're so cute together) couples had back in the day and possibly up to now. The words that I read concerned me, because this was coming from a woman who has a good man, regardless of what lies she likes to come up with about him ;-), and is also very beautiful. LET THAT ISHT GO!
We all have a history that we feel has kept us from our full potential. Whether it be because of a lying boyfriend, a belittling bastard, or a skanky ladyfriend. I can even say that I am bitter and wish that Dirty Dalvin never did some of the things he did and that I had decided to get with Basketball Bernie instead, because that's the type of guy that I wish I had, because for whatever reason, I think that it would have produced different results in my life later on. Whew, that was a lot. Let me back up...
The pain I once had in my life from the teasing, the fingerpointing, the 'not being chosen to run relay races', made me stronger for the desires, the 'I'm mad he looked at your ankles (inside joke), and the Ooo, I want that looks. I usually don't get into religion, because you do you, but God chose certain things for you to go through for a reason. Hearing these women wanting something they DIDN'T NEED then, because they have something better now, hurt me more than when I had a migraine at 9 years old. Sometimes we seek things that aren't in our reach for a reason. Let that isht go!
Hurts more now than before...
I do apologize if this becomes too long, but then again, I have to speak the truth! I believe I am feeling more pain now than I did before. Not in the sense of hurt, but just anxiousness. As a friend of mine, two to be exact, were bitter about life experiences, I began to think.
It kind of freaked me out a little bit. I wondered why these two women were so HOT about something that no longer dealt with them. One was (is) bitter with a man that is married with children in another state, but lives in the area with a woman he's been with for 8 years, who also has child(ren) with him. This friend visited one of his pages online and almost collapsed when she learned that he had possibly had another child. Why?! Why is something I'm trying to figure out. She knows he's not worth the lint in her pocket, but she was talking like she was upset because he was doing dirt on her. It was so confusing for me. I was actually getting bitter just listening to her complain and bad mouth him. LET THAT ISHT GO! The other friend, was what I'll say, wishing. She was wishing that she had had the "dream life" back in the day. She was wishing she had the type of relationships that the 'popular' (and I don't necessarily mean the cheerleader/football player, but also the they're so cute together) couples had back in the day and possibly up to now. The words that I read concerned me, because this was coming from a woman who has a good man, regardless of what lies she likes to come up with about him ;-), and is also very beautiful. LET THAT ISHT GO!
We all have a history that we feel has kept us from our full potential. Whether it be because of a lying boyfriend, a belittling bastard, or a skanky ladyfriend. I can even say that I am bitter and wish that Dirty Dalvin never did some of the things he did and that I had decided to get with Basketball Bernie instead, because that's the type of guy that I wish I had, because for whatever reason, I think that it would have produced different results in my life later on. Whew, that was a lot. Let me back up...
The pain I once had in my life from the teasing, the fingerpointing, the 'not being chosen to run relay races', made me stronger for the desires, the 'I'm mad he looked at your ankles (inside joke), and the Ooo, I want that looks. I usually don't get into religion, because you do you, but God chose certain things for you to go through for a reason. Hearing these women wanting something they DIDN'T NEED then, because they have something better now, hurt me more than when I had a migraine at 9 years old. Sometimes we seek things that aren't in our reach for a reason. Let that isht go!
Sunday, January 21, 2007
The Truth
I encourage everyone to step out of their comfort zone. Never be afraid to speak your mind or heart. Someone will be appreciative.
"Truth is......I like you. I've liked you for quite some time. Unfortunately, we could never establish a relationship due to our circumstances (whatever they were at that time). I don't think there is much to do about how I feel right now or what I want to do, because I really don't know how you feel or what you want to do. I mean, we always are acting stupid whenever we are around each other. My friends say to pursue it, and even those that know very little of me, even say, we need to hook up. What is your situation? Wait, I could be stepping on your toes. Let me step back. I'm sorry. Don't hate me....I have always felt that it is better to tell someone how you feel than to keep everything all bottled up. I think in the long run, that person will thank you even if he/she doesn't have the opportunity to tell you face-to-face. But they will always thank you when they tell your story to their child, friends, or grandchildren. Or while they are in a bind, that memory will play and joy will ring over their heart. They will always say how this girl/guy came up to me once and told me I was a sexy beast! I've just never said anything, because I'm just one of those people...Plus, again, circumstances...There are things that I dream about and some things I pursue, but with slight caution. I am tired of the games I play with others, and I just want to see where this will go. You feel me? I really don't mean to ramble, but ....I dream of the possibilities, without taking the risk. I want things to work out, but know that there are restrictions and limitations. Honestly, I blush everytime I think about you, I deny my feelings for you to my friends. I'm quite tired of running. I'm grown! I should be able to handle, but when it comes to you, I am weak. So that's why I am standing here, outside your door, while she sleeps in the other room. I just wanted you to think of me the next time she didn't come home when she said she would, or while you were at work in an intense meeting. I don't want to mess up anything the two of you have going. I would never want someone to step in on mine, especially if I knew how valuable that individual is. I'll leave you be. I just wanted to let you know what was in my heart, because you are forever on my mind...
I encourage everyone to step out of their comfort zone. Never be afraid to speak your mind or heart. Someone will be appreciative.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Stay With Me
I honestly couldn't play the game any better. It's time for me to go. I have to go on and play with someone else. I've been playing with you for too long now. The way things are now, honestly, you are making the game boring. Your talk game is good, but you haven't done anything. Your next move is always the same, plus you've already admitted that you've cheated. Therefore, even after beating you, even though you thought cheating was to your advantage, I still won! I really must go.
Go find you another somebody to play games with. Just don't call me the next time you want to play. I'm serious about my game, and I need you to be as well. Don't be so disappointed that I'm leaving you with empty pockets...you still have a get out of jail free card. :-)
No...
I honestly couldn't play the game any better. It's time for me to go. I have to go on and play with someone else. I've been playing with you for too long now. The way things are now, honestly, you are making the game boring. Your talk game is good, but you haven't done anything. Your next move is always the same, plus you've already admitted that you've cheated. Therefore, even after beating you, even though you thought cheating was to your advantage, I still won! I really must go.
Go find you another somebody to play games with. Just don't call me the next time you want to play. I'm serious about my game, and I need you to be as well. Don't be so disappointed that I'm leaving you with empty pockets...you still have a get out of jail free card. :-)
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
I Can't
So, today was interesting. Oddly enough, I won't go into detail. Let's just say, after hearing so many of my friends and myself say it, and it's only the 17th day of the New Year, I've decided that after hearing someone say this, I think I will stand by it as well: AS OF TODAY, YOU CAN'T SAY CAN'T!
Can't is negative and reflects your performance and possibly those around you. So, for now on, when someone calls me and says, "Ms. T, I can't do this school thing," or "Ms. T, I can't reach the packet of tuna in the cabinet," I will hang up on you on purpose, call you back, and hang up on you again or I will call you tuna face for at least 2 weeks.
Honestly, when you think negative, you do negative. I really had to give it to a friend of mine today because he was ranting about school and how he was failing, when in all actuality, he is well above average and not failing. For him to give up on something he's wanted to do, whether because he didn't realize he wasn't going to cake walk through or what, just really disappointed me. I couldn't believe his logic. Sometimes, you have to look at all the options and alternatives to your situation. Sticking to the same way of thinking or learning is obviously not working. Therefore, try something different, until it works. Unfortunately, you can't just do like you did in high school and college as if you have time to make up.
And I had to do that myself with my occupation. I have to take other options into consideration before I just give up. Cassidy wasn't talking about me when he made the song I'M A HUSTLA. I can honestly say, I've never had to hustle a day in my life (at least not that I can recall). I'm stuck in the middle. For example, right now, a friend of mine and I are talking about economic classes. I've never been super poor (I have been on governmental assistance), so I am not trying to get out of that situation. And I've never been super rich, so I am not sitting on my ass or just relaxing with a job I can get by on because my father is golf buddies with the mayor. I am stuck in the middle. I am in a position where I can't really move. Not really. At least not at this moment.
A realization that I've always had is if you want something, you have to not only earn it, but be patient. Not everyone thinks like me. Nor, can they sit still long enough before their eyes pop out of their head from boredom. Nothing is going to come to you instantly. Nothing's going to come to you without you working for it. So if you say, "I can't...get this done, understand, go to work, learn this, exercise, flip this burger..." you CAN'T pretty much do anything!
We can no longer use this phrase like they want us to stop using the N word...
So, today was interesting. Oddly enough, I won't go into detail. Let's just say, after hearing so many of my friends and myself say it, and it's only the 17th day of the New Year, I've decided that after hearing someone say this, I think I will stand by it as well: AS OF TODAY, YOU CAN'T SAY CAN'T!
Can't is negative and reflects your performance and possibly those around you. So, for now on, when someone calls me and says, "Ms. T, I can't do this school thing," or "Ms. T, I can't reach the packet of tuna in the cabinet," I will hang up on you on purpose, call you back, and hang up on you again or I will call you tuna face for at least 2 weeks.
Honestly, when you think negative, you do negative. I really had to give it to a friend of mine today because he was ranting about school and how he was failing, when in all actuality, he is well above average and not failing. For him to give up on something he's wanted to do, whether because he didn't realize he wasn't going to cake walk through or what, just really disappointed me. I couldn't believe his logic. Sometimes, you have to look at all the options and alternatives to your situation. Sticking to the same way of thinking or learning is obviously not working. Therefore, try something different, until it works. Unfortunately, you can't just do like you did in high school and college as if you have time to make up.
And I had to do that myself with my occupation. I have to take other options into consideration before I just give up. Cassidy wasn't talking about me when he made the song I'M A HUSTLA. I can honestly say, I've never had to hustle a day in my life (at least not that I can recall). I'm stuck in the middle. For example, right now, a friend of mine and I are talking about economic classes. I've never been super poor (I have been on governmental assistance), so I am not trying to get out of that situation. And I've never been super rich, so I am not sitting on my ass or just relaxing with a job I can get by on because my father is golf buddies with the mayor. I am stuck in the middle. I am in a position where I can't really move. Not really. At least not at this moment.
A realization that I've always had is if you want something, you have to not only earn it, but be patient. Not everyone thinks like me. Nor, can they sit still long enough before their eyes pop out of their head from boredom. Nothing is going to come to you instantly. Nothing's going to come to you without you working for it. So if you say, "I can't...get this done, understand, go to work, learn this, exercise, flip this burger..." you CAN'T pretty much do anything!
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Secret Identity
We all struggle with this desire to be something other than what we are. We sometimes wish we could go back and change the things that we've done just to see what the new outcome will be. Others tend to go on with life as two, sometimes three different people. Some identities are good, while others are used for purposes of deceit. We show what needs to be shown at the time of interaction. For example, when you are at church, you wear your church hat, along with the church fasade. Once you've stepped off church property, you go sell drugs, rob banks, and prostitute...
Or like today, I watched Dateline, and this lady pretended to be her deceased twin sister, to find out how and who murdered her. I thought it was kind of weird, because she stepped into the life of her sister, but yet, was getting information from the people she was around, who knew she was deceased. I didn't quite understand how that was, but....
I too, sometimes carry a secret identity. The only difference is, it leaves me at the very second it needs to interact. I like to absorb everything I see and hear. It preps me for the possibilities. If I am in an area that is a little snobby, I need to prepare to be as impressive as possible, therefore, I won't look like a fool. If I am in the 'hood, I need to make an effort to let the next Crazy over know that I'm a bigger Crazy.
As I learned some years back, sometimes it takes that one major event in one's life for a serious personality change to take effect. I'm just hoping it is for a positive and not negative. I think I will quickly adjust to what's happening to me. I just hope it's not forced, because I tend to have mixed emotions and get them intertwined with one anther, confusing my judgement.
Something to uphold...
We all struggle with this desire to be something other than what we are. We sometimes wish we could go back and change the things that we've done just to see what the new outcome will be. Others tend to go on with life as two, sometimes three different people. Some identities are good, while others are used for purposes of deceit. We show what needs to be shown at the time of interaction. For example, when you are at church, you wear your church hat, along with the church fasade. Once you've stepped off church property, you go sell drugs, rob banks, and prostitute...
Or like today, I watched Dateline, and this lady pretended to be her deceased twin sister, to find out how and who murdered her. I thought it was kind of weird, because she stepped into the life of her sister, but yet, was getting information from the people she was around, who knew she was deceased. I didn't quite understand how that was, but....
I too, sometimes carry a secret identity. The only difference is, it leaves me at the very second it needs to interact. I like to absorb everything I see and hear. It preps me for the possibilities. If I am in an area that is a little snobby, I need to prepare to be as impressive as possible, therefore, I won't look like a fool. If I am in the 'hood, I need to make an effort to let the next Crazy over know that I'm a bigger Crazy.
As I learned some years back, sometimes it takes that one major event in one's life for a serious personality change to take effect. I'm just hoping it is for a positive and not negative. I think I will quickly adjust to what's happening to me. I just hope it's not forced, because I tend to have mixed emotions and get them intertwined with one anther, confusing my judgement.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
My Homie
"MS.T, WHAT'S UP?"
"There are some things that are bothering me. For example, I've had chickenpox scars forever. I've tried cocoa butter lotion and sticks, and it's just not working. I've seen some people where their's have faded, but mine haven't. What's up with that?! Then, like how come I am 'not outgoing'. I have friends, but they're all kinda like me. At least they do do things from time to time...I hate when they come back telling me I should have been there, like they invited me...BASTARDS! But I don't mean that in a bad way, dog, just bitterness for the moment."
"WELL, MS.T, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, IF I GAVE EVERYONE THAT OPPORTUNITY, EVERYONE WOULD BE THE SAME. PERFECT ALMOST. BUT THEN AGAIN, I AM THE ONLY PERFECT MOFO UP IN THIS PIECE! AND AS FAR AS YOUR FRIENDS, WELL, THAT'S HOW FOLK ARE. YOU KNOW I KNOW. I'VE BEEN THROUGH HELL AND HIGH WATER WITH MY PEOPLE. FAKENESS IS A BIOTCH AIN'T IT!!! OOPS, I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT"
"Why you gotta be so selfish?!"
"DON'T MAKE ME...!"
"Hahaha! I'm just playin' with ya! I don't want to wake up without water in my spot. You good for just switching it up if you get mad."
"WELL I'M JUST SAYING, YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND...."
"I do understand."
"ARE YOU CUTTING ME OFF?!"
"No, I was just.."
"GOTCHA! HAHAHAHAHA!"
"Man, you lucky I can't do nothing to you. I'd pluck you on your forehead or something...but for real, can we talk about my fianancial situation..."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"....cause ya girl is on the low-low, and I just need to hit the lottery or one of the jackpots on pogo.com or something, and..."
"YOU ON THE 'LOW-LOW' CAUSE YOU GOING OUT TO EAT WITH YOUR 'FRIENDS' AND DRINKING SOCIALLY WITH THE 'PEACE UP, A-TOWN DOWN' BUYING CLOTHES FROM NEW YORK AND COMPANY, KNOWING YOU CAN SURVIVE FOR A FEW MONTHS OR SO..."
"But I'm saying, though. Why you gotta bring that up?! All I'm saying is, I need a few thousand, a mill or two....
"HAHAHAHAHAHA"
"Why you still laughin, you not takin' me seriously here. Yo, where you going?! Now you got me running. I'd give you like 10%! So what ya think? I think Pogo would be easier, we just got to get that jackpot spinner to land on jackpot while I'm playing one of the games that has...........!"
"So let me holla at you for a moment."Just chillin', talkin and stuff...
"MS.T, WHAT'S UP?"
"There are some things that are bothering me. For example, I've had chickenpox scars forever. I've tried cocoa butter lotion and sticks, and it's just not working. I've seen some people where their's have faded, but mine haven't. What's up with that?! Then, like how come I am 'not outgoing'. I have friends, but they're all kinda like me. At least they do do things from time to time...I hate when they come back telling me I should have been there, like they invited me...BASTARDS! But I don't mean that in a bad way, dog, just bitterness for the moment."
"WELL, MS.T, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, IF I GAVE EVERYONE THAT OPPORTUNITY, EVERYONE WOULD BE THE SAME. PERFECT ALMOST. BUT THEN AGAIN, I AM THE ONLY PERFECT MOFO UP IN THIS PIECE! AND AS FAR AS YOUR FRIENDS, WELL, THAT'S HOW FOLK ARE. YOU KNOW I KNOW. I'VE BEEN THROUGH HELL AND HIGH WATER WITH MY PEOPLE. FAKENESS IS A BIOTCH AIN'T IT!!! OOPS, I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT"
"Why you gotta be so selfish?!"
"DON'T MAKE ME...!"
"Hahaha! I'm just playin' with ya! I don't want to wake up without water in my spot. You good for just switching it up if you get mad."
"WELL I'M JUST SAYING, YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND...."
"I do understand."
"ARE YOU CUTTING ME OFF?!"
"No, I was just.."
"GOTCHA! HAHAHAHAHA!"
"Man, you lucky I can't do nothing to you. I'd pluck you on your forehead or something...but for real, can we talk about my fianancial situation..."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"....cause ya girl is on the low-low, and I just need to hit the lottery or one of the jackpots on pogo.com or something, and..."
"YOU ON THE 'LOW-LOW' CAUSE YOU GOING OUT TO EAT WITH YOUR 'FRIENDS' AND DRINKING SOCIALLY WITH THE 'PEACE UP, A-TOWN DOWN' BUYING CLOTHES FROM NEW YORK AND COMPANY, KNOWING YOU CAN SURVIVE FOR A FEW MONTHS OR SO..."
"But I'm saying, though. Why you gotta bring that up?! All I'm saying is, I need a few thousand, a mill or two....
"HAHAHAHAHAHA"
"Why you still laughin, you not takin' me seriously here. Yo, where you going?! Now you got me running. I'd give you like 10%! So what ya think? I think Pogo would be easier, we just got to get that jackpot spinner to land on jackpot while I'm playing one of the games that has...........!"
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Motivation
Usually, I would take the time to go over the definition of such, just so you can understand exactly what I will be discussing, but the word speaks for itself. I've been drowned with the thought as to why I don't have any. When I looked back on it, I've never really been pushed or "motivated" to do anything. When there were fundraisers, I would get one or maybe even two signatures (one being my mom), and after the 2nd year, she would stop buying (the same thing she ordered the year before). When I played softball, I hated the fact we lost all of our games but one, but I always said, "Well, we were the initial team for this brand new middle school." Viola, I wanted to play the best I could, but I hated practicing, because it was as if I wasn't getting better.
I've never been motivated. Even when there are things that I really, really, want (so much I would kill someone), I won't put the effort into getting it. I don't know why that is. It's as if there were a fire under my butt and I didn't move. I don't know what that is about, but it kind of scares me.
Asking if I am competitive is stupid. I'm not saying that I'm not, but I lost interest in things like that when I used to lose all the time, or if I weren't chosen for the relay team (neighborhood kids). Or picked for the softball/shotput throw, just because I was big in size, not because I could actually THROW a softball/shotput.
I hate being 'rewarded' or acknowledged, especially in group settings. Just send that bastard UPS or snail mail, I'll hang it up on the wall...no, I'll put it away in a drawer, in its original packing and let it collect cobwebs. I just don't have passion in general (I guess).
I want things in life, but I don't know how to go after them. Simply because I am not motivated. I don't care how many dollars are on the line or even if I had to lose my big toe, SO WHAT! (Am I) A Disappointment, maybe....
Just don't have any...
Usually, I would take the time to go over the definition of such, just so you can understand exactly what I will be discussing, but the word speaks for itself. I've been drowned with the thought as to why I don't have any. When I looked back on it, I've never really been pushed or "motivated" to do anything. When there were fundraisers, I would get one or maybe even two signatures (one being my mom), and after the 2nd year, she would stop buying (the same thing she ordered the year before). When I played softball, I hated the fact we lost all of our games but one, but I always said, "Well, we were the initial team for this brand new middle school." Viola, I wanted to play the best I could, but I hated practicing, because it was as if I wasn't getting better.
I've never been motivated. Even when there are things that I really, really, want (so much I would kill someone), I won't put the effort into getting it. I don't know why that is. It's as if there were a fire under my butt and I didn't move. I don't know what that is about, but it kind of scares me.
Asking if I am competitive is stupid. I'm not saying that I'm not, but I lost interest in things like that when I used to lose all the time, or if I weren't chosen for the relay team (neighborhood kids). Or picked for the softball/shotput throw, just because I was big in size, not because I could actually THROW a softball/shotput.
I hate being 'rewarded' or acknowledged, especially in group settings. Just send that bastard UPS or snail mail, I'll hang it up on the wall...no, I'll put it away in a drawer, in its original packing and let it collect cobwebs. I just don't have passion in general (I guess).
I want things in life, but I don't know how to go after them. Simply because I am not motivated. I don't care how many dollars are on the line or even if I had to lose my big toe, SO WHAT! (Am I) A Disappointment, maybe....
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Character
If yo' isht stank, it stank! My personality is stricty intuition based. So if initially, I'm not really trying to put too much into you and what you are about, 1)pass me over, 2)don't try harder, and 3)let time tell. Although, there are things that I wish I could go back and redo, just to see the outcome, it's automatically accepted that its a done deal.
If you say you are going to do something, do it! Your word is your bond, and if you break that, you'll be broken. You'll just be a walking piece of flesh. Keep playing and I'll take what ya owe, and what ever else that may be of value...which by the way, isn't much. Watch ya self in the '07!
char·ac·ter [ kárrəktər ] (plural char·ac·ters)
noun
Definition:
1. distinctive qualities: the set of qualities that make somebody or something distinctive, especially somebody's qualities of mind and feeling
au·ra [ áwrə ] (plural au·ras or au·rae)
noun
Definition:
1. distinctive quality: a characteristic or distinctive impression created by somebody or something
If yo' isht stank, it stank! My personality is stricty intuition based. So if initially, I'm not really trying to put too much into you and what you are about, 1)pass me over, 2)don't try harder, and 3)let time tell. Although, there are things that I wish I could go back and redo, just to see the outcome, it's automatically accepted that its a done deal.
If you say you are going to do something, do it! Your word is your bond, and if you break that, you'll be broken. You'll just be a walking piece of flesh. Keep playing and I'll take what ya owe, and what ever else that may be of value...which by the way, isn't much. Watch ya self in the '07!
Monday, January 01, 2007
Let's Start the New Year Off....WRONG!!!
Happy New Year Everyone! I honestly didn't think that I was going to start this early on a post. An hour and two minutes into the New Year, but...I had to!
First and foremost, Ms. T had a wonderful holiday. Some good, some bad, but no complaints. I've been blessed. There are people far more worse than I am.
Secondly, I'm sure I said this in a preivious post, but someone once told me that I am not the first person thought off to go out and about to celebrate, party, dine out, etc. *In my mind, I'm only good when you need me to be your foolywang sidekick, a safety net, or just the extra person because the people who invited you make you uncomfortable. Now, I understand your position, however, don't call me first when you want to tell me, "You should have been there," or "Oops, my bad, no one told you."
I got one invite (and a half) for the New Year. The half invite was about a week ago, and technically, it wasn't really an official invite. It was more of a "Are you coming this way again, this New Year?" The other, was a "WISH YOU WERE HERE" and that person is 4 hours away. We won't count how mother asked if I were doing anything and if I needed her to be home (clearly I am not 7).
Thirdly, I realized that all my "friends" are very much like me. All the vain, "fake famed", I place men before you, 100% wack, the I KNOW I'M NOT WACK (when you CLEARLY are), always talking about what you're going to do but never do it type friends. I've never been vain, I don't believe myself to be famous (even in the smallest sense of the word), I NEVER PUT MEN BEFORE MY RELATIONSHIPS NOT EVEN WITH MYSELF, but I do say stuff that I am going to do, but end up sitting on my arse. Now, there is an exception to this brief list of YOU PISS ME OFF. There are those I met briefly. Those that inspired me to be adventurous to try new things, took me to ice cream shops I had never been to before (thanks A.G.), the ones that confided in me and barely knew me for 3 months, the ones that drove in the worst of snow in a F*CKed up car and the next day stood outside, walked a few blocks just to flag a cab so that we got home safely (thanks Jazz), the ones that rolled through the room at like 6:30 in the A.M. rocking the 'shirt' and Ms. T busted you out without her glasses on (Maine), the ones that jumped from person to person without leaving a memo, those that did my makeup (thanks Makeup Ho), the ones that smelled so sweet as they walked past me in Applied Calculus, the ones I wanted to rape and they didn't mind, the ones that had my back although I didn't need it (Love You Sutherland and Boom Boom), the ones that rode the "train" although we weren't even on the caboose (thanks ladies of the night, hallways, and study sessions), the ones that warmed my heart by stopping by to say their last visual goodbyes at 323 on that big day (Baby Daddy #1), the ones that were loud as hell but you loved them anyway (Quesh and Joyous Celebration)....and yes I could continue, but I think I will leave that for tomorrow's post.
The point I am making is, we've started the New Year off incorrectly already. I'm not directing this to anyone in particular, but how can you honestly say you are my friend if you don't ask me anything? How can you honestly say you've offered all you can 'til you can't no more, all because I didn't go out with you on three occasions? How can you say I'm a lame, when you don't know what my interests are? How can you make me comfortable in an uncomfortable situation if I wasn't uncomfortable in the first place?
I'm just disappointed...but one thing is for sure, the brevity of my relationships will last with me forever. If you have that fuzzy feeling that says that this is about you...understand how I feel. I'll kill the first mother I see (for you B), fall back, pulsate mothaf*#@as!
First and foremost....
Happy New Year Everyone! I honestly didn't think that I was going to start this early on a post. An hour and two minutes into the New Year, but...I had to!
First and foremost, Ms. T had a wonderful holiday. Some good, some bad, but no complaints. I've been blessed. There are people far more worse than I am.
Secondly, I'm sure I said this in a preivious post, but someone once told me that I am not the first person thought off to go out and about to celebrate, party, dine out, etc. *In my mind, I'm only good when you need me to be your foolywang sidekick, a safety net, or just the extra person because the people who invited you make you uncomfortable. Now, I understand your position, however, don't call me first when you want to tell me, "You should have been there," or "Oops, my bad, no one told you."
I got one invite (and a half) for the New Year. The half invite was about a week ago, and technically, it wasn't really an official invite. It was more of a "Are you coming this way again, this New Year?" The other, was a "WISH YOU WERE HERE" and that person is 4 hours away. We won't count how mother asked if I were doing anything and if I needed her to be home (clearly I am not 7).
Thirdly, I realized that all my "friends" are very much like me. All the vain, "fake famed", I place men before you, 100% wack, the I KNOW I'M NOT WACK (when you CLEARLY are), always talking about what you're going to do but never do it type friends. I've never been vain, I don't believe myself to be famous (even in the smallest sense of the word), I NEVER PUT MEN BEFORE MY RELATIONSHIPS NOT EVEN WITH MYSELF, but I do say stuff that I am going to do, but end up sitting on my arse. Now, there is an exception to this brief list of YOU PISS ME OFF. There are those I met briefly. Those that inspired me to be adventurous to try new things, took me to ice cream shops I had never been to before (thanks A.G.), the ones that confided in me and barely knew me for 3 months, the ones that drove in the worst of snow in a F*CKed up car and the next day stood outside, walked a few blocks just to flag a cab so that we got home safely (thanks Jazz), the ones that rolled through the room at like 6:30 in the A.M. rocking the 'shirt' and Ms. T busted you out without her glasses on (Maine), the ones that jumped from person to person without leaving a memo, those that did my makeup (thanks Makeup Ho), the ones that smelled so sweet as they walked past me in Applied Calculus, the ones I wanted to rape and they didn't mind, the ones that had my back although I didn't need it (Love You Sutherland and Boom Boom), the ones that rode the "train" although we weren't even on the caboose (thanks ladies of the night, hallways, and study sessions), the ones that warmed my heart by stopping by to say their last visual goodbyes at 323 on that big day (Baby Daddy #1), the ones that were loud as hell but you loved them anyway (Quesh and Joyous Celebration)....and yes I could continue, but I think I will leave that for tomorrow's post.
The point I am making is, we've started the New Year off incorrectly already. I'm not directing this to anyone in particular, but how can you honestly say you are my friend if you don't ask me anything? How can you honestly say you've offered all you can 'til you can't no more, all because I didn't go out with you on three occasions? How can you say I'm a lame, when you don't know what my interests are? How can you make me comfortable in an uncomfortable situation if I wasn't uncomfortable in the first place?
I'm just disappointed...but one thing is for sure, the brevity of my relationships will last with me forever. If you have that fuzzy feeling that says that this is about you...understand how I feel. I'll kill the first mother I see (for you B), fall back, pulsate mothaf*#@as!
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