College Life

It's been real...

As I roll around into my last few months before 'adulthood', I have reviewed my years as a college student. If I were given the opportunity to change some things, I wouldn't. I have enjoyed my time as an undergraduate, at a premier institution. There are things that I wish I had done, but because of my personality, I am not regretful. I sometimes dream of one day returning to this earth as the same person, with all events being the same, but me doing more than I already have done. For example, I would still volunteer for some organizations, but I would also be a member of the PeaceCorps. Or I would be treasurer of one of my favorite organizations as opposed to just being involved.

I have always felt that it is important to go beyond what is required of you. However, in my book, I go beyond the requirements only in interest. Yeah, a lot of people study and study and study to get the best of grades, but for me, grades aren't all that important. In the three elementary schools I attended, I was one of the top students. I got all of the awards and recognition. I won the spelling bees for my area. Throughout my time there, my fellow students would come to me in need or on the flip side, I would get picked on for being a 'nerd'. However, during one award ceremony (my last year there), another young woman was receiving majority of the awards. My class was in the back of the auditorium, and I was sitting near the end of one of the rows. My classmates, as well as other students, were looking at me as if I had stood in front of them naked. One of my classmates said to me, "Why aren't you getting these awards?!"

Now, let me put you in my position. I was fine with this young lady receiving these awards. As a matter of fact, I think I was in another world. But when my classmate said this too me, and as other students looked at me as if they were disgusted, I became uncomfortable. I think that day, I received 3 awards as opposed to the 6 or seven I had received in the previous years. I felt as if I had let them down, but at the same time, it made me feel bad, because I felt like I should have been up there. From that point on, I think I deteriorated. Instead of being winner of the school spelling bee, I was runner up because I had mispelled a word on purpose to give someone else an opportunity to be winner. I didn't care to be in the highest level reading book, Caravans, like the other two or three people in my class. I just wanted to stay in the mediocre group (which consisted also of a few students), while the rest of my class was reading below average. My teacher tested me like three times and I think I passed by one (and I still think she gave me that one point even though I missed by one).

I never really cared about my trophies and awards until I started the orchestra. I was the only viola player for what seemed to be a long time. I was doing it BIG! But then, I bordered the middle school, high school orchestra line. I was placed in both groups. I found out that what I thought was high performance, was actually below mediocre, and I was shunned to the back of my pack (not really, but it felt that way). In the 4-5 years of being in the HS Orchestra, I got maybe 3 awards. Even when I felt like I was trying or doing what the director had asked, someone would come along and do better. And once again, the look of disgust from the orchestra director. It was as if I was a figment of their imagination.

In the present, I think that instead of giving my all, I just do well, and if I get recognition, I'll continue to do well. I am proud of myself for all of the things that I did do well in, only because they were of interest to me. For example, I really enjoyed my Personal Selling professor and his class was very inspiring. I even did well on a presentation I did on my mp3 player and everyone loved it. I on the other hand was afraid it wasn't good enough. I got an A. My Accounting II professor was funny and engaging. I busted my butt to get that 'A' (really it was a C, but it felt like an A).

I am going to miss the time that I shared with thousands of other students. I wish you all well as we separate and become successful in whatever we do, whether it's being a CEO of a company on the cover of Forbes or the next bum on the streets, who really does have the cure for AIDS. We've all impacted one another in some shape, way, fashion, or form. I love you all and if you need me, I'll be there for you! Don't hesitate to get in contact with me. If you don't have my information, find someone who does. Write Oprah! Call Jerry! Hell, call my momma! It's been real!

Don't....

Don't go there...Don't try me...Don't do that...JUST DON'T

So for those of you who don't know, I live in a house with 5 other people. We share two bathrooms, a kitchen, and washer/dryer. One of my housemates, is an older individual, who has become more than a pest!

I have never met someone who is so ornery! Everytime another housemate and I look up, there is a note posted in the house or there is a knock on the door for something that apparently is a problem for Ornery!

When Ornery is not here, oh the house is fine! No problems; no toilets backed up, no overfilled trash cans, no loud radios! The most recent incident, the toilet on our floor is _________ (The other housemate and I have no idea what's wrong with it). Ornery left a note on the door that said, "(Too much 'trallic') WHOEVER BROKE THE TOILET needs to fix it," Ornery, Sunday, 6:58pm. I assume prior to this note, Ornery confronts the other housemate by saying, that I, Ms. T, needs to call our landlord. The other housemate, told Ornery, "I don't need to do anything!"

Ornery hasn't said anything to me and to my knowledge, the toilet is still __________. We have no idea if it's clogged or what. Only Ornery knows what's wrong with it. Just like Ornery knew who stained the toilet seat purple, and that I make too much noise!

Let me say, here at 323, I, Ms. T, keep to myself. Even two of my closer housemates have admitted that they are the noisemakers when any noise comes from this room. So where Ornery gets the illegitimate facts from, I HAVE NO EARTHLY IDEA. But what I do know is this: Don't go there...Don't try me...Don't do that...JUST DON'T!

I Can Wait

We seek some type of love, whether it be from a friend, family member, pet, or special someone...

We've all been through it. We lay our hearts on the line, only for it to be stomped on, shattered, or broken. All we want is for some entity to love/like us as much as we love/like it.

I said love/like for a reason. A lot of us fail to differentiate the two from one another. My definition of like: to experience a delightful feeling for someone or something, enough to continue the experience, and maybe develop a love. My definition of love: to experience the highest level of euphoria for someone or something.

Now, my question is, why is it that we put ourselves through so much pain and frustration, when the someone or something doesn't experience the same level of love/like? When coming in contact with this entity, concrete or abstract, we know nothing about it. So how do you know whether you really like this thing, enough to develop a love? Oh, that's right, we like to go off of looks. When it comes right down to it, in most cases, what you thought you loved/liked (a guy/gal, a pair of shoes, school) is not what you imagined at all!

Currently, I am seeking some type of psychological help as to why I am not like most people. Like those that get offended when laughed upon becuase they 'felt' they had expressed their true feelings about their 'like' interest(s). Or those that are seeking someone to love, because they just learned to 'love' themselves. I say this because for the last 23 years of my life, 3 1/2 of which I don't really recall, 1 in which I truely miss, 7 were used finding out what I was truely about, another 1/2 disapproving parental behaviors, 6 were very confusing due to those around me, and the last 4 I have decided, that this year...I CAN WAIT!

We seek some type of love, whether it be from a friend, family member, pet, or special someone. But is it really worth the heartache and pain? Let's not go out chasing something that really isn't suppose to be. I mean, that is why we continue to suffer, right? How can you be hurt by something you never had! Don't let cloud nine, aka cloud 'like', cloud your mind! Put yourself at the top of your priority list, then shelter, food, water, education, and all the important needs...then put the wants, i.e. love. Let things happen graudally. As a sexy man once said to me, "We'll see what happens"

The love of my life isn't really a love at all. He's not even a like. He's more of a miss. But I can wait. I will wait. If it happens, it happens, but I am not going to let him spoil my future relationships as he has in the past. I would one day 'love' to give him credit, but I have to prepare for the 'like'lyhood that it will happen.

If You Haven't Seen It

Why can't there be...

Why can't there be more movies like The Inside Man and Crash? The type of movies that get you thinking.

Respect My Space

There are a few things I ask for in life...This is one of those things

Recently, I experienced another incident that threw me for a loop. An 'older' person put their hands on me. Now unlike the previous incident, this was more like we were best friends and the person had something to tell me that was very exciting. As I always do, for about .05 seconds, I thought the worse and then thought nothing else of the gesture, but more of the fact that I was touched.

There are a few things I ask for in life. One of those things is to respect my space! I might not always be in the mood for you to be close to me, even in conversation. For example, when I am first introduced to a new environment, i.e. classes, I may sit in the back or off to the side. I won't raise my hand to answer a question and I may even seem irritated because I was called on by the professor.

Anywhoo. I like people, have always felt comfortable around people, but I NEED MY SPACE! There was no way for this particular person to know that I didn't appreciate the fact that their hands had touched me, but clearly you don't know me. I could be in jail right now, thinking about how I could put this post up.

I am not trying to be rude or anything, but if I am looking tired, don't ask, "You tired?" If you ask me to wait on you to go toward the same destination as you, and I am looking at you with the 'boo boo face', please, tell me to go without you or tell me to go without you (AND YES, I KNOW I TYPED IT TWICE!). Let me do me. As I have stated in earlier posts, I like to be to myself from time to time, because things may become uncomfortable to me. Don't ask me questions about what's going on or can I help you with something. Respect me, by respecting the fact I don't want you in my space.

And yes, my space includes anything dealing with me!

I HATE LYING BITCHES!!!!

Need I say more?!

Retract My Statement

I said something in my last post that was a lie, and I really don't like to lie!

I do give myself a lot of credit! I just hate when people feel as if they are helping me by saying what they think will help me, when in actuality, they are making me feel inferior. Sometimes, I may not be in the mood, and I may look or act like I am out of it, but that doesn't mean that you should open your mouth with what you know is right. Cause guess what, my dear, apparently, you don't know a damn thing if you are saying it to me. I may need to have a pick me up, but it just doesn't need to come from you.

Thanks for listening.

MIXED EMOTIONS

I feel like..............

I don't give myself enough credit. As stated in the previous post, there are things that have stayed with me, from childhood. As I also stated, it has effected my daily life and daily activities. But the good part about it all, I have come to realize over the years that these words are not true. That all the things that I went through whether it was with a boy, that he liked me, and we all know (in most cases) that when boys pick on, hit, etc. a girl, 8 times out of 10, they're in 'kiddy-love'.

As I tell my friends and people who don't know me, I love everyone. Everyone has something to offer and we can learn from each other. HATE is a bad thing and it does me no good to burn bridges. There are some people I have used them to develop a template for future friends, coworkers, study buddies, or even love interests!

But as these happy times are diverted into the reality I sometimes wish didn't exist, I end up feeling mixed. I get caught in the middle of my thoughts and tend to tense up and develop, to what most people will see, a nonchalant attitude. As I once found out on Tickle, I'm a Red:

Your color is red, the color of racy sportscars, blushing cheeks, and luscious roses. Red symbolizes passion, romance, and love. So, since you're ruled by red, you probably trust your feelings more than your brain and tend to act spontaneously. If you see something you want, you go for it without thinking twice — impulsive is your middle name. You don't wait around for people to make decisions, either; you dive right in. Quite the romantic, you pay close attention to your emotions. In fact, if your heart isn't in what you're doing, you won't be satisfied. Of course, even when you do pour all your energy into the projects you tackle, your impetuous nature means your passions can shift as frequently as the wind. That's why some reds have trouble with commitment. Our advice? Next time you're feeling fickle, think before you act, if possible. You might be surprised at the results. Overall, though, it's great to be red. No one lives life more completely than you do.

Give or take some of it, it pretty much sums me up. So whenever you come across me, and I'm happy and then all of a sudden, there's a shift in my attitude, it soon shall pass.

???!!!

I recently had an experience that caught me off guard, but it made me wonder...

As a Pisces, I tend to "dream" a lot. I am stuck in an "UN"Real World, more often then not. I want things to be good. I want people to be happy. I want things to be "perfect".

As I come back to reality, I realize that things aren't always the way I want them. We've all gone through some things in life that have tramatized us (i.e. the death of a family member, bullying by peers, etc.). Recently, I was involved in a situation that really made me think (again)!

Growing up, I was always teased because I was "black" or because I had a big butt (which I no longer have), or because I was too big. It definitely has stuck with me over the years.

These words that I speak of, the torment that I experienced, would make me feel less of a child, and would be carried on for life. Now, as an adult, I still consider the words to be true, although some around me, may see differently.

As mentioned before, I like to make people happy. I love to harrass men. I was actually selected as a nominee for the Senior Superlative "Most Likely To Go To Jail For Sexual Harrassment On A Man". Well, the other day, I, by definition to some people, was harrassed. A select group of friends were highly offended, and wanted to whoop some ass, but for me, it wasn't that serious.

There are some things you expect from people. If it had been random guy off the streets, a shuttle driver, or even a distant relative, all hell would have broke loose! What occurred wasn't appropriate because of where it happened. I handled the situation the best I could, because of the location, and tried to talk to the person, but was unsuccessful. However, the little time that I did get to talk to the person, I did recieve an apologize for the action. Now, I am not saying that I wanted what happened, but because of "who" this individual is, it was one of those things you hear about, and you are like, "Oh, that's not surprising!"

I joke with my friends that if it had been BD#1 or Alumni #3036, some people would be scarred for life. If the scenario had been in a corporate setting, or even at a club with Big Brother Feel 'Em Up, I would be in jail. What's the point of all of this, ????!!!!

I feel like.............