We typically keep the same routine for everything we do: brushing our teeth, the order in which we drive, evaluating others based on negative opinions, to the food we eat everyday. In the past, I have made certain comments about things that are a little scary for me. For example, I've known this guy since I was 15 or so. He's x-amount of years older than I am. I've always looked to him as a big brother. He, not so much. He's always vocalized himself by saying things like, "I want to make love to you," and "You single now, and I'm not." That's not what I was trying to hear at 16! *blank stare :-/*
1)You don't know me to say things like that! 2)I've never voiced back to you that the feelings were mutual! As a matter of fact, you never stopped to find out! F)You can't keep a phone number long enough even if I did decide to call! MAGENTA)I could have Scola, and what you know 'bout that?! Since he mentally raped me at an early age, I carried these "rules" that I would never involve myself with a man like him. The rules ranged from age limitations, to the amount of women that thought they were exclusively his!
I have become quickly familiarized with the fact that those rules were never real! They only applied to him. And just like Quindeesha on Maury, pregnant again for the 8th time "Well, Maury, this time was different, because..." Setting limitations for ANY relationship (platonic included), also sets limitations for you. Yes, the possibility of your knife-wielding former girlfriend, three times removed would bother me! Yes, being around your side-eyeing family looking at me like I'm 8 (can't help how I look *kanye shrug*) while you're 15 years older than me, feels extremely awkward! However, I cannot and will not allow that to keep me from maintaining a healthy relationship with you. I am one of the few that was made with a personality that allows me to love you for you, regardless of handicaps.
Every-now-and-then, the norm doesn't apply. Every situation is different. Deal accordingly.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
In My Dreams
I can spend countless hours tuning out the bland things that do not fit in my colorful world. I stay on my own cloud. I'm perfectly content with being there by myself. I am an only child, and unimaginably would I dare come down from that cloud or bring another person to sit with me and paint. Back in March, I met someone I'd give my seat up to...
Many times, when spotting an attractive man, in a matter of a few seconds, I play my movie of how I think things would play out, and then, end scene. Never again, does it cross my mind, regardless whether a relationship brews. Once I was introduced to him, instantly, all the feelings I had poured out on this site, as well as others (Twitter, Xanga, etc.), were assured. The seconds of film that I was used to, turned into hours. What exactly made him different? *kanye shrug*
I remember the events from that early March night. I felt weird at times, when he spoke to me. Then he smiled. Can we say storm *smh*?! He wasn't what I would vision myself with. I blame Howard University. I had met a plethora of men, that I had smushed together, and the image was good! However, this one was better. And as we all went from place to place, he would check in with me. Just to make sure I was okay. Even when we went to breakfast, and I arrived late, he didn't take a bite until I had. I didn't look at it as meaning anything at the time, because again, I stay on my cloud. A mutual friend of ours and I were out eating, and I kinda remember her mentioning that he had asked about me. I in return asked about him, and referenced that I enjoyed that night we all went out. He happened to call her shortly after making that statement, and he and I both fussed at her for not inviting him out with us. Well, I had a chance to encounter this young man again about a week ago. This time...things were made a whole lot clearer.
After nearly arriving to the first place of the night, I realized I left my ID. He volunteered to walk with me to go get it. And as we walked, he kept saying he had been asking about me. *kanye shrug* He said I was muggin' like I was ready to kill a nicka (I blame the Locals (DC)). I smiled and apologized. He brought up again that he had been asking, and I was thinking, "How many times he gonna say that to me? I heard him the first time." *kanye shrug* He cracked some jokes here and there, told me he liked my hair. Gave me some intake on his life, and mentioned again that he had been asking about me. At that point, I had to climb down and suggest to dreaming self, "Hey, he may like you! Focus!" By the end of the night everyone was very loose and he became very vocal about his emotions. I was okay with that, and from there...we've been hooked.
There are a lot of things that I have observed that make him very attractive to me. What I find even better about him, he voices what he thinks! I love communication! I have forgotten all about the other possibilities (sorry Boo) I was striving for. My eye is only on him. He has definitely made my dreams existent. And because of that, I'm not climbing back up anytime soon.
I can spend countless hours tuning out the bland things that do not fit in my colorful world. I stay on my own cloud. I'm perfectly content with being there by myself. I am an only child, and unimaginably would I dare come down from that cloud or bring another person to sit with me and paint. Back in March, I met someone I'd give my seat up to...
Many times, when spotting an attractive man, in a matter of a few seconds, I play my movie of how I think things would play out, and then, end scene. Never again, does it cross my mind, regardless whether a relationship brews. Once I was introduced to him, instantly, all the feelings I had poured out on this site, as well as others (Twitter, Xanga, etc.), were assured. The seconds of film that I was used to, turned into hours. What exactly made him different? *kanye shrug*
I remember the events from that early March night. I felt weird at times, when he spoke to me. Then he smiled. Can we say storm *smh*?! He wasn't what I would vision myself with. I blame Howard University. I had met a plethora of men, that I had smushed together, and the image was good! However, this one was better. And as we all went from place to place, he would check in with me. Just to make sure I was okay. Even when we went to breakfast, and I arrived late, he didn't take a bite until I had. I didn't look at it as meaning anything at the time, because again, I stay on my cloud. A mutual friend of ours and I were out eating, and I kinda remember her mentioning that he had asked about me. I in return asked about him, and referenced that I enjoyed that night we all went out. He happened to call her shortly after making that statement, and he and I both fussed at her for not inviting him out with us. Well, I had a chance to encounter this young man again about a week ago. This time...things were made a whole lot clearer.
After nearly arriving to the first place of the night, I realized I left my ID. He volunteered to walk with me to go get it. And as we walked, he kept saying he had been asking about me. *kanye shrug* He said I was muggin' like I was ready to kill a nicka (I blame the Locals (DC)). I smiled and apologized. He brought up again that he had been asking, and I was thinking, "How many times he gonna say that to me? I heard him the first time." *kanye shrug* He cracked some jokes here and there, told me he liked my hair. Gave me some intake on his life, and mentioned again that he had been asking about me. At that point, I had to climb down and suggest to dreaming self, "Hey, he may like you! Focus!" By the end of the night everyone was very loose and he became very vocal about his emotions. I was okay with that, and from there...we've been hooked.
There are a lot of things that I have observed that make him very attractive to me. What I find even better about him, he voices what he thinks! I love communication! I have forgotten all about the other possibilities (sorry Boo) I was striving for. My eye is only on him. He has definitely made my dreams existent. And because of that, I'm not climbing back up anytime soon.
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