I Need Direction

What do I do...

I've been trying to get past the fact that my life has been directed by others than myself. I've been trying to bypass the fact that I have yet to fully explain who I am to the people I meet or to the ones I love the most. I've always been a mystery to those around me.

Well I'm tired of that! I want to be able to tell you what my job is about. I want to be able to say what I want. I want to be able to tell the group that I am running for treasurer (and say it with confidence). I appreciate the fact that you understand what I am thinking, how I feel, and when I am struggling you step in. However, you don't have to speak for me 24/7/365! I was blessed with a mouth and a voice, and hopefully, will not lose either to cancer of the throat, a knife, shank, or death.

But what do I do? How do I express to you who I am and not be embarassed or feel uncomfortable, to the point it shows, and you either feel sorry for me or totally disgusted? At this point in time, I have to make the mistakes I probably should have made a long time ago on a smaller scale. And although a lot is riding on this, I will have to take the 'L'. This is something that I have to deal with and no one else.