Get Over It Already

...le sigh...

Since I can remember, I've always been the type to believe fair is fair. I have never backed down from anything that has challenged me. Let me repeat that last statement. I have never backed down from anything that has challenged me! So as a person who believes that AND karma is a bitch, it hurts me beyond belief when someone else is accepting to it, and even more so when they're accepting and allowing it to indirectly happen to me. As the type of person who defends others, when there is wrong doing or trouble, why would you allow it to happen to you or the people around you?

The events that have plagued me over the course of 8 months, I feel that I have done all that I can do, in my position: prayed, sent emails, applied other places, beat myself up for not trying harder, and held my tongue, etc. At this point, I'm tired. Tired of feeling like I'm not being heard. Tired of feeling unaccomplished. Tired of feeling incompatible with: people, life choices, the space I'm currently taking up. Tired of feeling tired.

I place so much into the relationships I have, but I rarely feel like they're being reciprocated. You would think after knowing me for x amount of years: you'd know not to ask me abstract questions; you'd spare me my feelings by not confirming the truth of something I exposed months earlier; you'd not say things that you KNOW irritate me; you'd stop relaying messages you know I don't care about; you'd stop talking to me suddenly as if we've been talking for hours and ask me a less broad question; you'd get some balls and stand up for something; you'd start acting your age and not your dauhter's; you'd stop being nonchalant about things but get mad when you're not progressing; you'd take life more seriously; you'd stop being bi-polar (take yo' medicine, the non-prescription type)!

I could go on...but why?