I'm A Failure

Not completely...

As I was discussing with some people, I failed my exam to get my license for my job, by 10 points. I wasn't disappointed, but I wasn't happy either. I really wanted to take the exam next week, but my boss was saying to go ahead and take it as soon as possible while the information was still fresh. So when I called to schedule the test, which is only offered Thursday through Saturday, I chose this Saturday, a day after the classes ended.

I am not sure of what I am about to say, but I think this other girl who was in my class is working for the same company as I. She however, scheduled her test for this coming Thursday. Now, I felt so pressured (to pass, learn new material (two parts) in a week, and to schedule the exam as early as possible), just so I could kill $90 I DIDN'T have.

I feel as though I failed, EVERYONE! The people at my job are very supportive and said that I would do fine and everytime I heard someone say it (friends, family, associates, etc.), I would push myself extra hard, because I didn't want to fail them. I wanted to make sure I did enough to please them.

Well, in the end, I'm not a complete failure. I just hate when I do that to myself. I set myself up. I was trying to use everyone's words of encouragement to motivate my brain to absorb the information, that simply I blanked out. Like I probably got like 2 hrs of sleep, and I probably would have gotten more if Wrong Number New York Chick #9 didn't call my house at 12:30 AM EST time. But what's even worse is when I was driving, I was swerving in my lane. I wasn't asleep or anything, but it was as if my mind was in another world. Luckily, it was 7:00 AM and no one was really driving on the expressway.

I need to develop myself into a more positive and motivated person. I mean, if I had the weekend to study, I would have been okay. Oh well, now I have two weeks to study...