Emotions

Hurts more now than before...

I do apologize if this becomes too long, but then again, I have to speak the truth! I believe I am feeling more pain now than I did before. Not in the sense of hurt, but just anxiousness. As a friend of mine, two to be exact, were bitter about life experiences, I began to think.

It kind of freaked me out a little bit. I wondered why these two women were so HOT about something that no longer dealt with them. One was (is) bitter with a man that is married with children in another state, but lives in the area with a woman he's been with for 8 years, who also has child(ren) with him. This friend visited one of his pages online and almost collapsed when she learned that he had possibly had another child. Why?! Why is something I'm trying to figure out. She knows he's not worth the lint in her pocket, but she was talking like she was upset because he was doing dirt on her. It was so confusing for me. I was actually getting bitter just listening to her complain and bad mouth him. LET THAT ISHT GO! The other friend, was what I'll say, wishing. She was wishing that she had had the "dream life" back in the day. She was wishing she had the type of relationships that the 'popular' (and I don't necessarily mean the cheerleader/football player, but also the they're so cute together) couples had back in the day and possibly up to now. The words that I read concerned me, because this was coming from a woman who has a good man, regardless of what lies she likes to come up with about him ;-), and is also very beautiful. LET THAT ISHT GO!

We all have a history that we feel has kept us from our full potential. Whether it be because of a lying boyfriend, a belittling bastard, or a skanky ladyfriend. I can even say that I am bitter and wish that Dirty Dalvin never did some of the things he did and that I had decided to get with Basketball Bernie instead, because that's the type of guy that I wish I had, because for whatever reason, I think that it would have produced different results in my life later on. Whew, that was a lot. Let me back up...

The pain I once had in my life from the teasing, the fingerpointing, the 'not being chosen to run relay races', made me stronger for the desires, the 'I'm mad he looked at your ankles (inside joke), and the Ooo, I want that looks. I usually don't get into religion, because you do you, but God chose certain things for you to go through for a reason. Hearing these women wanting something they DIDN'T NEED then, because they have something better now, hurt me more than when I had a migraine at 9 years old. Sometimes we seek things that aren't in our reach for a reason. Let that isht go!