Motivation

Just don't have any...

Usually, I would take the time to go over the definition of such, just so you can understand exactly what I will be discussing, but the word speaks for itself. I've been drowned with the thought as to why I don't have any. When I looked back on it, I've never really been pushed or "motivated" to do anything. When there were fundraisers, I would get one or maybe even two signatures (one being my mom), and after the 2nd year, she would stop buying (the same thing she ordered the year before). When I played softball, I hated the fact we lost all of our games but one, but I always said, "Well, we were the initial team for this brand new middle school." Viola, I wanted to play the best I could, but I hated practicing, because it was as if I wasn't getting better.

I've never been motivated. Even when there are things that I really, really, want (so much I would kill someone), I won't put the effort into getting it. I don't know why that is. It's as if there were a fire under my butt and I didn't move. I don't know what that is about, but it kind of scares me.

Asking if I am competitive is stupid. I'm not saying that I'm not, but I lost interest in things like that when I used to lose all the time, or if I weren't chosen for the relay team (neighborhood kids). Or picked for the softball/shotput throw, just because I was big in size, not because I could actually THROW a softball/shotput.

I hate being 'rewarded' or acknowledged, especially in group settings. Just send that bastard UPS or snail mail, I'll hang it up on the wall...no, I'll put it away in a drawer, in its original packing and let it collect cobwebs. I just don't have passion in general (I guess).

I want things in life, but I don't know how to go after them. Simply because I am not motivated. I don't care how many dollars are on the line or even if I had to lose my big toe, SO WHAT! (Am I) A Disappointment, maybe....