I Wish, I Wish, I Wish

I sometimes wish...

I sometimes wish I could have been that well-known (notice I didn't say popular) person in school, that everyone knows would be successful later on in life. Not only would I have been well-known, but just good at all types of things (i.e. sports, academics, athletic, etc.). I, Ms. T, am no more than the average Jane Doe. I am smart, but when it comes to academics (one of those things I find not to be all that important), I excel in the areas that I find interesting. Every other area sucks balls. I used to play softball in middle school, and I enjoy watching football and basketball. I am known by "the right people", and everyone that I communicate with on the regular, loves me (or so they say...hmmmmm). But other than that, I am nothing!

I say all of this, because I wish I had some stuff a little earlier in life. Right now, I am struggling! I was never the type to initiate conversation (and I still don't do it) or friendships. I like to be by myself (which is not a good thing if I live with a Miller the Killer) and I cannot stand when I am bothered (i.e. you see I'm irritated, but you still ask a lot of questions or you see that my mood has changed, but you still want to talk).

I want this idea of adult-ism to be better for me than what it is right now. I am truely irritated by every little thing. My mother even grills me about the jobs in which I am selecting to earn income. SHE CAN'T BE SERIOUS! I honestly need you to stop and leave me alone. I'm sorry if all the people that want me, are the same jobs that pay triple in what you make yearly, but I have to work a little harder at it, as opposed to working the rest of my life doing the same thing and wishing I could have retired when I was 55 instead 103!

Not once have I ever felt seriously challenged. I mean, if I didn't think something was for me, I just would not do it. If I didn't want to do something, I just would not do it. If I originally said I wanted to go with you to the store and then right before we walked out the door, I decided I looked like shit, I just didn't go! I want this job thing to work out. I want to be happy. I want to be able to say, "I've defeated the world!" Everytime my mom opens her mouth about something I am excited about, she brings me down by saying something that I already thought about or her tone is of disgust. Last time I checked, you weren't Oprah...